Oh! But my carriage didn't stay

Trying to achieve our goals we sometimes forget to live life while hoping for that perfect future we never know how long is our present.

The floor is covered with snow, like release doves
Only the lichens are there holding on to the world like bolted handcuffs.
Where the snowflakes falling are as soft as fledgling,
Only the cold winds are there making a silent yelling
Oh! But my carriage didn't stay,
Just to trap me I thought a mirrage was made.
Those snow clad grounds tinted with green
Everything so beautiful as if a never ending dream
Achieved my goals, I now wished to dance, I now wished to giggle,I know wished to laugh,
Oh! But my world was torn apart, all I wished now was a moment like a apprentice needing time and a half.
I got a moment but only for realization,
All that I, moving like a train missed back on the station.
A beautiful world living in which I wished to continue
Everything so beautiful as if a dream come true
Oh! But my carriage didn't stay,
Just to trap me I thought a mirrage was made.

Author's Note

Please do leave a comment if you like the poem.

Reviews

[Muskan]

Such a delightful deep poetry,must appreciate 😊Will b gratitudinal if u visit my account 😊

[Anjeline]

Thank you u so much dear muskan. I'll surely see your work :)

[Onlyme]

What a superb poem this is with a meaning held within.

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much dear Dawn :)

[Neville]

I enjoyed your poem my friend.. it read like a a cross between poetry and prose... life can be like that too.. write on friend... Neville

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much for such a sweet review:)

[Neville]

my pleasure..

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice metaphors. I enjoyed it!

[Anjeline]

Thanks a lot friend. Stay blessed

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another sophisticated poem with some very appropriate metaphors; an enjoyable allegory.

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much for your kind review 😊

[Chryiss]

A bit late on the request but here I am. :)

"Where the snowflakes falling are as soft as fledgling" I really liked the flow of these lines. the "s" and "f" sounds paired together and repeated (snow-fall, soft-fledge) are very lovely sounding besides the image being beautiful. On that note, for the most part this soft flow was preserved, but the 'bolted' felt a bit too strong here, but I suppose in of itself, that can be interesting.

I really liked the feelings being conveyed here: "Achieved my goals, I now wished to dance, I now wished to giggle,I know wished to laugh" --> just a few proofreading bits --> ,_I "now", "mirage", "an" apprentice, "released"(?) doves --> however, except for now and an, I could see the others being a stylistic thing. :)
(Sorry for noting these little bits when the focus is really the words and meaning, they just always stand out to me in anything I read!)

The use of a carriage was an interesting choice to help describe the idea of needing to live in the moment while chasing dreams. Truly, this is a message that needs to be heard in a world now where everything is so fast-paced and success-oriented---I got this message from your poem~ lovely work!

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much for your review. I am glad that you noted the details and understood the meaning that I tried to convey. These reviews are really important as they help a writer to improve and at the same time also gives encouragement. So thank you once again for your kind words

[Coyote Poetry]

I know the feeling of the lines below.
"Oh! But my carriage didn't stay,
Just to trap me I thought a mirrage was made."
Sometime we can wait forever. Thank you Anjeline for sharing the entertaining poetry.
Coyote

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much for your review and understanding the poem 😊

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Anjeline and I have enjoyed your work.

[barleygirl]

Your intended message (explained in the line under your title) is a good one, but I would not have understood that lesson from your words, if you did not tell me before I read it. Knowing what you want your message to be, I could see some traces of this lesson in your words. You use an original metaphor (carriage) to suggest the journey thru life. You use strong writing techniques and I believe some of your imagery is unusual, so I can't always follow your message. But you use imagery well (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Anjeline]

Thanks for your genuine comment dear Margie:) I hope that my other upcoming poems will be more relatable for you.

[barleygirl]

I didn't mean to make this sound like I didn't strongly relate to your poem. I forgot to get to that part. In my 20's & 30's, I took months off work to go do adventures like riding my bicycle across the USA. Now I am 62 & I can't walk very well becuz of a neck injury. So your lesson is a central theme of my life. I did much living when my body was young & fit, so that now I can write my stories since I have to be more idle now.

[Anjeline]

There is no need of explanation dear one. I completely understand that you didn't mean that. I am happy to hear that you enjoyed your life earlier and I really wish from the bottom of my heart that you recover from your injury and keep posting wonderful poems

[¿]

Yess am leaving this comment not because I like it but I love it!.....Many thanks for writing this....
You know am tired of making some people in my life understand that not to chase after unseen future but live the present which lasts for just a second and gets mixed into the term called past in the very next second.....
Am happy by your each line here...dunno why I find pleasure in reading your words!....keep going with such humor....Live life...obviously to the fullest! ;)
Be blessed :)

[Anjeline]

Thank you so much for your comment. Glad you liked it and could relate to it 😊

[¿]

You're warmly welcome ;)