Thinking Of You

Day by day life without you gets harder than the one before. As each day passes, I try to think of the positive things about this situation, but I can't seem to find anything positive in all this mess.

All I can think about is how good it used to feel when you would be so busy playing and you would take time to come and wrap your arms around my neck and tell me that you love me. I can still hear those amazing words as though you had just spoken them.

I think about the times when you were little & you wouldn't go to sleep unless I was there holding your hand & singing to you while you drifted off to dreamland.

I think about the times you were laughing cause you got my hair tangled all around the brush while you were brushing it.

I also think about all the times that you wanted to crawl in my lap, but I didn't let you cause I felt too stressed out.

I think about all the times that I could have spent holding you and showing you just how much your mommy loves you, but I always break into tears cause I know that I will never be able to hold you and tell you that I love you and I always will. I think about how great our life would be if we had one more chance to be a family again.

I think about what you will look like when we are
able to see each other again, and what kind of men will you grow up to be. I wonder will you be like me, or will you be like your adopted mom? I wonder, do you think about me as much as I think about you? I also wonder, do you hear me when I tell you that I love and miss you very much?

Day by day you're growing up and I'm not there to see it, or share it with you. But, you are always with me, wherever I go, whatever I do, I'm always thinking of you my dear sons!

Written for my two wonderful sons,
Dagen Robert and Trystan Lee.