Chapter 7

So I knock on Ethan's door. He opens it and when he sees me, I can tell that I'm going to have to grovel and say he was right all along and generally try and butter him up on this one.
"Well come in then." He says coldly. With lower confidence than ever, I walk inside and lie on his sofa. I use my arms as a pillow.
"I don't know what to do." I say quietly. "This night has been the worst of my life. Everything is so confusing. First there's the fighting and then I let Lucien of all people get in my bed and then there's this statue and then I think me and Kiros are getting somewhere before Aurora shows up. She manages to get herself killed and now I just wish I'd gone to sleep. Just let Kiros leave my bedroom and go to sleep. Deal with it all again in the morning. I feel all broken. It's like I don't have wings at all, like they've been shredded."
"So what now?" Ethan asks.
"I have no idea. I really don't want to go home. I'm nervous to go anywhere because wherever I go, I go with Kiros. He says he wants me to stay now and I want to believe him."
"Best you just move on." He says airily and while it digs at me. I can't help but agree.
"I don't feel like an angel. I can't change anything. I wanted to be some almighty archangel who could fix anything but everything that's happened tonight shows me that it all ends in destruction."  Ethan nods and I make a snap decision. "I'm going. Going to find an opening into the parallel earth and do something over there. Worked for my family and it has to work for me. I don't know if I will ever come home and I really don't want you to wait around."
"Don't worry, I won't I thought you'd go sooner or later." He says and I don't know why but I take that as an insult.
I sit up and study the deep scratches across my chest. They seem rather fitting.
"I'm going to go home, leave Silas and Bren a message that it's just between them now. I've kicked Lucien out so expect him to grovel at your door any minute now and I want the house to keep running in case I decide it's time to come back although this is unlikely the way I'm looking at it all at the moment." Despite everything tonight, I reach up and Ethan lifts me off the ground as we hug goodbye.
I take off for home for the last time and as I arrive I take care not to tread on all the broken glass I left behind. I'll have to leave in my note that I'm going to want that fixed and leave the cash for them to do it. I open the door although I could just crawl through the jagged hole, I don't risk my luck in slicing myself open. I grab a small bag and pack up some make up and some of my more covering clothes. I don't plan on using my wings once I cross and will just get whatever while I'm over there. I'll track down my mum and stay with her. I have a fair idea of where she is. I'll start from there.
Once I've left the letter in the kitchen, I sneak back upstairs and grab my bag aware that it's not going to be easy once I reach the perimeter where the worlds meet. I'll have to get by the guards and express all kinds of reasons for crossing over, it's a thousand times harder to get back than it is to get through though so I really don't plan on returning home. As I go to leave through my balcony doors one final time. I hear the echo in my head of the last words to Kiros.
"Don't follow me." I repeat now and look at my room, the sky is growing ever lighter outside and it paints my bedroom a dark blue. I step outside silently and close the door, locking it even though the empty frame couldn't stop anything getting through and toss the keys through and on to the floor.
"I told you not to go." Kiros is sat on my balcony ledge. As if I could ever have the luck of slipping away quietly.
"It's not for you to decide."
"Actually in a way, it is."
"No. It's my life and I'll go where I like."
"Violet Dawn, we both know exactly where you're supposed to be and that's here. You're really going to give up your wings? You actually deserve yours. I don't."
"Of course you do."
"I want to earn them to you. I will do whatever it is I have to that will stop you from leaving me here. Please, please don't go, don't do this. Even if I have to physically hold on to you for the rest of my life, I will do just that."
I get angry at myself for letting tears build up in my eyes again.
"And what are we going to do? I really don't want to stay here anymore."
"You're saying that, you forget I can read your thoughts and I know that you want to but think you shouldn't. Well I need you to. So there." He sticks his tongue out at me as if that is going to solve everything. "It won't easy, it's going to take lots of time but I really want this to work."
I love Kiros to pieces. I can't exactly imagine a life without him. If he wants me around, I'd be pretty stupid to walk away even if it's not quite what I imagined.
"So where do we go?" I ask. Kiros thinks or at least pretends to and he uses a phrase I have often used in my life.
"Anywhere but home." He says. he holds out his hand and putting my bag down, I take it.
"Okay." I say.

With dawn almost upon us, I look up and see the final stars fading out. I inhale as we take off and I am all too aware that you won't always find what you set out to look for.