Chapter 4

When I wake up, I feel fine. But then I remember last night and a heavy feeling sinks into me. I don't get out of bed and I am genuinely scared of what might look back at me in the mirror. I am so out of sorts when I fall out with people, even Lucien when the healthy debate over when rent is due becomes something more serious so to feel this distant from Kiros, it feels dark. Watching my clock pass time for an hour, I decide I don't want to mope. No one is worth hiding from the world over. I force myself to get rid of this scarecrow image I have going, I became brave enough to look at my reflection after all, then I choose to forget last night ever happened. It's no big deal.
I'll find Kiros later, I'll say I'm sorry, I hope he's okay with me about it all. It was a really stupid fight, we should be able to just forget it. Surely. Pulling on my full length, black silk dressing down, I open my doors and walk on to the balcony. A tiny, deep blue feather is tangled in the vines above me, I gently reach up and pull it down. I sigh and resolve to find Kiros as soon as I can. Whipping on a light black dress with a low back, for extra wing consideration and lace sleeves, I barely stop and do a running take off on the balcony, I head straight for the tree by instinct and habit. I am so eager to get there that I barely stop and a branch scratches my wing. I scream and fall on to the thick branch beneath me, blood seeps from in between my feathers and I hiss with pain.
"Hey. You okay?" I look up and see Kiros standing over me He reaches out to touch my wing and despite how sore it makes it, I draw it back.
"I'm fine, it's just a scratch."
"You want some help to heal?"
"No. I can do things by myself that don't include getting injured... apparently. I'm really okay. I was looking for you. About last night." I babble but Kiros cuts across me.
"Let's just not talk about it. Forget it yeah?" he says and I nod. I'm still on my hands and knees and I become painfully aware of this. I draw up and sit on my knees. Kiros sits beside me.
"By the way." He says to me, a deadly serious look in his eyes. "There was a tree in front of you just now, I'm not sure if you noticed it."
"Yeah... I glimpsed it. Thanks."
"I just didn't want you to hit it." He says. I glare and without moving a muscle on my body or removing my focus, my healthy wing swings behind him and knocks him clear out of the tree. Kiros curses and despite the risk of shredding his own, his wings spread out and he loops upwards, hovering above me.
"Can you fly?" He asks.
"When I fall to my death, I might get an idea." I say. I stand and notice that now the blood has stopped, no serious damage seems to be done, just a very sore scratch and not an actual tear. Our wings are the most delicate part of us. If they are torn, it is unlikely they ever heal even with the magic. Many angels receive small tears in their time but the unluckiest receive ones in the wrong places or big enough to halt all flight. An angel with torn wings is the saddest thing anyone can ever see. They are the true fallen.
"God your thoughts are dark!" Kiros says. I realize I've been thinking very loudly.
"Get out of my head you!" I snap and test my wings. The injured one is sore when I move it but I can use it. If I couldn't, Kiros would carry me... a thought I'm not sure if I like. I wouldn't want to be weak but I trust he wouldn't drop me at least. "Right. Where are you taking me?"
"We'll go to mine if you like. Chill out for a bit." I like the sound of that, I gently raise myself from the branch and when I don't shudder or fall I glide with Kiros towards his place.
About a quarter of the way into the forest, Kiros has a large pine bungalow. It is made entirely of wood, the walls, the floors, even the roof. His ancestors cast spells to prevent the wood from being too easy to burn. All log piles. Kiros has the entire surrounding area to himself and so many times we have played childish games which is mostly my idea in the trees. My favourite time was when I had been crushed by a loss, I went to Kiros and he dragged me outside and began hiding. Eventually I joined in the game and allowed my wings to unfurl and greet the moonlight. I had never illuminated myself like that before and it was a freedom I didn't know I could experience. This place has nothing but good memories for me.
Inside, Kiros has a fireplace protected with a guard to stop embers from burning the place down. Decorated with similar furniture, the most modern part being a gleaming black and white bathroom. The bungalow always smells warm as though a slice of fresh toast lives there. Kiros has a large bedroom and a maple bed frame decorated with many deep coloured blankets. In the corner, half a dozen guitars, two acoustic, four electric, Kiros is one of the few who have proper indoor electricity installed into their homes. Most don't bother given we don't have access to a lot of technology. But Kiros had his guitars "imported" and I love sprawling on his bed while he settles himself on the stool by the window to play.

I don't know how long I lie on my front while Kiros plays me song after song, he plays hard and fast and then slow and gentle, sometimes he switches guitars and sometimes I can even coax him to sing... I even join in myself if I know what I'm doing. The only place I show my voice. Kiros seems to like it and that's what makes me happy. During an instrumental on Kiros's red and black painted acoustic, a soft and slow song he wrote himself during one of our afternoons, the soft lullaby of it calls my wings out. I remember my left one is sore and wince as it emerges but I don't look away from his fingers strumming for a second. I make sure I don't even breathe any louder so it doesn't disturb the song. I take my wings out enough to spread out but reel them in a little so I don't absorb the room.
I realise the feather I plucked from the vines this morning has been tangled in my tights, I guess I forgot I was holding it and it got stuck when I was changing. I pluck it from the fabric and twirl it around in my hand very gently as Kiros finishes playing. I know after he stops that this is the end of the music.
Kiros put the guitar down and noticed the feather I have in my fingers. He eyes it intensely.
"Where did you get that?"
"It must have been caught in the tree when you left. I found it this morning, I don't know why but I thought I should keep it. I'm sorry."
"Why are you saying sorry?"
"You're looking at me like I've done something I shouldn't." I laugh nervously. Kiros's expression doesn't change as he inches closer to me.
"Can I have it back? Please?"
"Of course." I say a little confused, it's not like he can stick it back in but it does belong to him. I hand the feather over and Kiros looks at it as though he's never seen it before. I realise he is checking it for damage and feel slightly hurt he thinks I would have ruined it. Sighing, Kiros puts the feather down. I want to ask what's making him so bothered by it but I feel that maybe I shouldn't.
Noticing the sun is going down I take note that I am starving and hint to Kiros I want feeding. I completely draw my wings back in and we go to the kitchen. Kiros fills a pan with water and begins to heat it. He fishes around for food I will actually eat and I float off in my own world around his bungalow. At the very far end I see the boiler room door. It looks different to me today and I can't think of why. I walk towards it and it feels like the hallway with never end. Silent panic bubbles inside my stomach when I see enormous scratches down almost the entire door, they look like they were made with finger nails.
"Oh my god." I whisper fearfully fascinated. I trace the scratches with my fingers careful not to splinter myself on the wood.
"What are you doing?" Kiros asks, closer to me than I thought he would be. I scream and leap up spinning around.
"Don't sneak up on me! What the hell happened to your door? Did you do this?"
"Yeah."
"Well... why? Oh my god, Kiros. What did you do?" I'm scared and worried and sad for him all at once, desperate to know what could have made him do such a thing.
"I got upset. The door was the closest thing, it's okay, I healed up my fingers as soon as I was done. You don't have to worry about me being hurt. My nails were a bit banged up but they're all right, see?" Kiros shows me his hands and they look no different.
"But why did you do it?"
"I told you I got upset, Violet. Sometimes I can't really control myself and I'd rather leave a few marks on my door than in someone's head, if I can." I don't like the way he says that.  The scratches aren't just a couple of centimetres long, it's like he dug his hands right into the door and pulled as though he was trying to claw through it in anger. I can see he isn't going to tell me what his reason was for doing it. I don't want another fight. I bite my bottom lip and take the hand he has stretched out to show there's no marks. without a word I lead him back to the kitchen to show that the subject is dropped.
Kiros cooks my favourite for me, he makes an amazing creamy sauce and uses wholewheat spaghetti. I make a huge mess as I challenge myself yet again to slurp the song strands and we end up having a mini food fight by flicking sauce at each other. My poor dress is stained all over and I can picture my immature housemates teasing me over it looking like something else. Eww. I'll make sure to change before I leave myself open to ridicule. As the fighting stops, we find ourselves in silence and I feel myself go a bit shy as I see what a mess I am. Not that Kiros is much better.
"Um... I think maybe I should go now. It's dark and I'm covered in gloop."
"Are you going to come back?" He asks. I want to, if I knew he would play his guitar for me all night. But the scratched door has still unnerved me a little. The night is ending so well, I don't want to push my luck after last night. So I shake my head and make my excuses, all about housework and boring things.
Together we walk outside and I eye the moonlight decorating the surrounding forest. I want Kiros to come and fly with me. It's always more fun to fly in the dark I find. When open space provides you with a night light and looking into it can't burn out your eyes like the sun. Silas can fly better in the day, I guess it's the magical essence in your wings but truthfully I don't really understand it all. Tonight me and Kiros say goodbye with a look and without looking back I step off the terrace and on to the grass, letting it tickle my feet. I close my eyes and beome airbourne within a second. I twist around, look down and see that Kiros is already gone, turning back so I can watch where I'm going I push forwards in the cool night air. Instead of landing on my balcony and heading inside right away, I settle on the ledge and dangle my feet.

While I was dreaming away, Kiros had gone back inside his house and back to the door of what was believed to be the boiler room. Even in the dark he traces his hands around the scratches, regretting losing his temper and wishing he could show me what was behind the door. But he wasn't ready yet. This was his and his alone. He had found it, asked the merpeople to enchant it so that he can complete the restoration. The Statue of Leo. Leo was a warrior, he defeated demons of all kinds and should have been hailed as a respected warrior. However he was cast out from the pure angels. A street fight from long ago had shredded his wings and he was Fallen. Leo learned to battle with his torn wings and although he was eventually taken down by a rogue angel, his strength was recognised too late. The merpeople created The Statue of Leo to teach angels not to be snobby towards those who were Fallen. Respect them.
But the harsh weather had the Statue lost at sea and when Kiros discovered what they had done, he insisted that he search for it. He felt it belonged to him. For months Kiros paid gifts to the merpeople so that he could search their waters for the Statue and when he did, he passed along his silver chain in exchange for the enchantment, this Statue deserved to look perfect even if others did not seem to think so. Why was it that The Statue of Leo was so important to Kiros. He had discovered that this Fallen angel was in fact his father. And believing stories from others that he was no more than a vicious fighter then uncovering the truth made it personal. Kiros had no idea if I would believe him or argue that not everybody in our race could be wrong. If he told me, I would have of course believed every word. The merpeople do not lie, they see it all, all I would have to do is ask Maggie if I was at all hesitant.
Using his own feathers, Kiros could restore the Statue and make it look so Leo had his wings mended, he deserved to look like a king. When all was said and done, Kiros could tell everybody the truth and that was his every intention, starting with me. But he wasn't ready yet. Kiros turned the door handle and stepped into the room, there in the dusty room was the Statue, it shimmered so white that a light wasn't needed, the Statue illuminated the whole room by itself. The wings had the shape of an eagle's and although they were still cracked and bared signs of tearing, their condition was improving considerably. Leo's hands were outstretched as though he was trying to touch the ends of each wing with his fingertips. Kiros had to place his feather into either hand, the hand would close and a chip would repair itself. It was something so beautiful to see that anybody would be touched. Kiros couldn't bring Leo back but he could ensure his own father got what he really deserved.
Kiros stared at the feather in his hand making sure it was completely perfect, his fallen feathers had to be or it was a waste.
"The right hand today I think." He said. As always the hand closed around the feather and the Statue seemingly came to life, it stared at the closed hand, looked at Kiros, smiled and returned to its normal position, the hand opened... and the feather was gone. Kiros frantically searched the wings for more repairs and found a large crack had been repaired whee the left wing met the spine. Without another word, Kiros charges from the room, he doesn't bother to close a single door as he bounds from the bungalow, his wings shoot out so fast it splits his skin and he is airbourne before the naked eye could see what had happened.

"....And he cooked for me! Oh my god, guys when Kiros picks up that guitar it's as though the entire world depends on it! I have never heard such passion and that is the purpose of music! I don't know how he does it." I finally draw a breath after doing a step by step replay of my visit, clipping out the door scratches. I'm sat on the ledge of my balcony still only now my feet are on the concrete floor and my wings are still unfurled in case I fall backwards and need to take flight fast. Bren is smoking a cigarette next to me and Silas and Lucien are staring into the sky, eyes glazed. I realise that perhaps I have been talking a little too much the past twenty five minutes. All they did was come up to see how I was. They were probably expecting a "Fine thanks" and that would be it.
"He's a great guy." Silas begins. He and Kiros get on a treat, they all like him but if I talk about this any more I'm scared of my friends brains dribbling out of their ears. Silas looks as though he wants to add a "but" on to his statement but he doesn't. Kiros doesn't see the others so much, we spend most of the time in my room if he comes round at all. When we all get together, the laughter and bickering and the banter that happens between us all, usually Lucien ends up the butt of the jokes, could make the house shake. The nights where my stomach kills from where I've been laughing and I don't go to bed until the sun comes up. I'm usually the first to leave but I always listen to the others still talking and being general boys about things. I befriend guys better... but I need some girl time now and again.
I return to the present and find the subject has moved well on to boring games and boy toy things. Not on my balcony thank you!
"Either be interesting or get out of my space!" I drawl out raising my arm in the air and stretching like a diva.
"Okay see you later then!" Bren chuckles and hops up. The others stand up to leave and I decide I quite fancy going to bed while my mood is light anyway.
"Actually guys, I am tired so if it's okay..." I leave my sentence unfinished but I smile to show they haven't upset me or anything. Again, I don't want to push my luck. I wish each of them a good evening and reluctantly leave my balcony, I leave my curtains open and the last thing I see before I fall asleep is a shooting star. So I make the wish I always make.