From death to life

A Poem by Creative Bird

Amidst the ugly core of rattling fire

She slept flat, thin and steady

Allusions one and a billion more

Relocating swiftly - expressive of all

Retaining inexplicit ideas all the while

I walked down the cremation ground

Wiping off my tears, holding myself stronger

My mind played the past tape

I couldn't protect her body anymore

A sudden flick and how she struggled

With a dozen of wires circulating blood and pulse

Her life started and restarted

And after all, when she wasn't still ready yet

The heaven's call was louder

Without even alluding or gazing

No inkling but all in silence she laid

Drowning herself in the bed of eternal sleep

No chords further rang in her ears

Nor did my voice reach her heart

Nothing more than a miniac of memories did remain

I stand at the holy doors and bells now

All I do is ask for a reboot

A reboot of her life - that she becomes a kid again

And even apart from us, she restarts her childhood

Some better place, around better souls

She recreates her memories

And begins again her joyful ride of life.

© 2021 Creative Bird

Author's Note

Reviews and critiques are much appreciated!

My Review

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Reviews

Usman Muhammad

Hi there,
It's been a long long time since I reviewed someone's work, but I'll try to be as constructive as I can be.
To start with, the poem conveys its meaning pretty clearly. There are no allegories which makes it very easy to understand the writer's perspective.
It's amazing how well you have described the cremation scene.
"Amidst the ugly core of rattling fire
She slept flat, thin, and steady"
In philosophy, there's this question of acceptance and resistance to one's own death. There's this famous poem "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas in which the author preaches to not go down without a fight against death. Although both these ideologies make sense, personally I have always been in favor of acceptance. It takes a lot of courage knowing that one has to leave but also accept this harsh reality as it is, and not resist it. I really like your take on this.

Moving on to suggestions, I'd like to suggest few alternatives but if you think there's no need, then don't change it.
"All I do is ask for a reboot"
You can try the word "reincarnation" instead of reboot.

"Her life started and restarted "
With the wide range of vocab you have used throughout this poem, I think this verse can be modified to avoid repetition.
All in all, this is an extremely well-written poem and I really enjoyed it.
Keep writing. :)