Monday

 

Trinkets of our tattered love

lay scattered across a room too dark

to make out anything more than shadows,

where lines are drawn in the sand

and yet remain invisible, taunting me

with their epic insignificance.

 

It’s been three days since my footsteps

have led any farther than the kitchen,

ill-stocked for times like these,

and the bathroom, where my mirror and I

play a constant game of hide-and-seek.

 

I’m afraid to see my own face,

salt-scalded and stained with disillusionments;

frightened by my own eyes, the dull

sockets of a stranger staring through me

as though I’m nothing more than an apparition.

 

Tomorrow is dawning like a broken record,

skipping across the sky in shades too pale to name,

and I think briefly about escaping,

shelving my heartache for an hour, for a day,

 

but all I can manage is a moment’s glance

out of a window smudged with forgotten fingerprints,

before dragging myself like a too full suitcase

back to the twilight of a room

drenched in the stillness of waning memories. 

Reviews

[[untitled]]

This one seems to remind me of sentiments contained in Kate Chopin's works, and by that I mean that there is a conveyance of imprisonment in a discontented situation that begs and cries for liberation and/or redemption. Though there is a definite distinction between the discontent contained in your work and Chopin's since she was speaking more about issues that pertained only to women, and in your poem, just about anyone can feel these emotions. But the idea of being imprisoned in drab emptiness is the same in a way. But unlike Chopin who tried to show what should be, you're showing how it really is. That's more effective, that it is. Showing the pain and longing and the emptiness within one soul is far more powerful than showing what that soul could be containing...if that makes any sense. There is an obvious lack of hope contained within the words, and that sort of intensifies the reaction to the negative or downtrodden state of the poem itself.
The language that you use in this poem only makes it all the better. =)

[zainul]

A vivid picture of life.
You have created a theater where the events of your life are displayed again and again
through the very skilled use of words.
Enjoyed reading.
Thanks for sharing.

[MAC]

what a wonderful blend of darkness and hope. not to mention your ability to write this to perfection. excellent!

[CherryBlossomGirl]

beautiful... nothing more to say - took my breath away

[bob, small b. aka invs]

this is an amazingly skilled piece of writing. the mood is set and sustained beautifully throughout the poem. the feeling expressed are unmistakeable. your word choice and metaphors are perfect. i'm extremely impressed.

[Kelley]

There were many lines in your poem that I loved! Your a great poet and I look forward to reading more of your work
I loved the line.........."frightened by my own eyes, the dull sockets of a stranger staring through me"
Descriptions make us relate and your poem made me see sadness in all that lies in your world.

Well I hope your better now. Thanks for sharing your world.

Kelley

[Lalli]

snap snap!

impressive write... especially stanza 3, brilliant word choice.

You certianly captured the pain of a recent break up, or the loss of a loved one... theres a few ways this could be intrepreted bu that only adds to its identifiabilty.

I will certianly be reading more of your works

much love n' respect

-Lalli

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Fantastic write! Very descriptive and I can feel what you're going through. Contemporary, but stylish and passionate! I really enjoyed the piece!

I'm afraid to see my own face,
salt-scalded and stained with disillusionments;
frightened by my own eyes, the dull
sockets of a stranger staring through me
as though I'm nothing more than an apparition.

I had great visuals with this stanza! Your writing is very special!

[just is]

Wow! You can write, i like this, beautiful i love the imagery you have created.

[Gordon]

I've been away from Writerscafe for a while... sure I still check in but I haven't been involved like I wish I could be. I have to say that I miss your writings. Perhaps missed at first, but what I found is a great title here, using "Monday". It is a day of reflection and fits well with the painting you've done here.

I would like to subcribe to your brain, just to fill me with the thoughts of your muse. How much do I owe you?

Thanks for sharing,
Gordon

[Charles R. Ciminokii]

This is a beautiful piece. I really like it. I could see every bit of it... Very vivid. Good job...