Ascension

 

Sunset swings on beams of dusk

 

a hue that reminds me of tomorrow,

reminds me of the days that are still unborn

 

and I slide along the river’s edge,

my footsteps skimming the delicate grasses,

bare against the softness, toes gripping,

releasing, keeping my body erect as I

 

steady myself, raising my arms like wings,

fingers searching for the particles within the particles,

the spaces between where only I can see

 

the beauty within the chaos, my skin electric

bare and smooth, whispering to the breezes

in a language reserved for only those who truly believe

that life is more than a linear path, drawn

 

from one point to the next, and I close my eyes

while dreaming of a place where snow falls in flakes,

dances with the naked branches of trees ready for winter,

 

where my breath becomes moonlight fog,

rising, rising, rising to a place where starlight sings

and planets rest quietly in a blanket of darkness.

Reviews

[Don Coorough]

WOW. "Sunset swings on beams of dust" great opening line, one is hooked immediately. "toes gripping, releasing, keeping my body erect" the truth in the tiniest of observations tells us more that the most erudite platitudes, not only is every single part of the body essential to an individual's life, but every individual life is essential to the universal body of the universal spirit which we all are part of and one with. You told it much better. "my skin electric, bare and smooth, whispering to the breezes" an incredibly eclectic combination of senses which forces a psychedelic point of view and encourage the reader to give up all thoughts of their own reality for a time! "where my breath becomes moonlight fog" - now here is a novel way of showing the ethereal quality of us on life and of life on us. And the last line - "and planets rest quietly in a blanket of darkness" yes, tucked in my mommy sky no doubt, so soothing and comforting an image. I have one small nitpick (don't you just love me for that?), it's the line "dances with the naked branches." Right before it you have "where" as the lead in to "snow falls," and right after you have "where" as the lead in to "my breath becomes," but here, you lose the frame of reference. I agree with your intuition not to use "where" this time (the "department of redundancy department" factor). However, to correct it grammatically, maybe you could change dances to dancing. Otherwise, an incredibly uplifting way to start my morning! - EllisD

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Beautiful and so tranquil... it speaks to me of inner piece for ones own short comings and realize we are human. Nicely done.

[Gandré]

This metaphysical poem is starting from the notion of having experience "a poem sung by a feen," these words campaign for a complementary relationship with the earth and the universe spoken by their lover. The resulting raising semi-tensions, between the expectation and the lyrical poetic lines, between dream and a song... are revealed in the spirituality of its genre...the lover turns into cosmic traveller....".the beauty within the chaos," -----I Loved it! Always something different.

[Lyrical Love]

Melodic, soothing, alluring...
I loved this poem. It is so much of what my soul needs. I would only change one minor thing-
"where my breath becomes moonlight fog," some how while reading it moon lit fog came out...
for me the flow was better.
Either way it is an absolute gem.

[bluessadmood]

what can i say my friend below said it all ,wonderful analysis,the best as i see it ,when you say..my skin electric,bare and smooth,whispering to the breezes...and another one...where my breath becomes moonlight fog,telling us our effect on life ,and life on us,well Ryhmer said it all i agree with everything,especially ,tucked in mummy sky,really so great though i do not know much of these forces,but its very easy explained ,so thoughtful and very beautiful as usual

[[untitled]]

I can't even review this objectively, I can only enjoy and let myself be ravished by the imagery that you have created here, with nature intermingling in the emotions that flood through the speaker. I love it! I really do think this one is perfectly conceived and written! =)

...(smiles)...