The Death of a Year Chapter 3

 

Chapter 3

 

            November arrived on the heels of the biggest downpour that I had ever seen. The rain came in sheets, pouring against my bedroom window, blurring the world outside. The sky was so dark that I scarcely knew when night had faded and morning had arrived. Normally I reveled in the warmth of the sun’s rays peeking through my window. I enjoyed nothing more than waking early and going out into the morning sun when the rest of the world was still sleeping. But the gray shroud that covered the sky was a welcome sight the first few weeks of Chemo, making it easier for me to stay in bed.

            Before my first Chemotherapy session, Doctor Rob, the man my parents liked to call the “Oncologist” rather than simply using his name, explained what I should expect after the drugs were administered. He told me of the wonderful advances in medication over the passed ten years, how much easier it would be for me to tolerate the side-effects of the therapy now than it would have been for someone in my situation only a few years back. I sat quietly, pretending to listen, but all the while I was watching the nurses prepare the chemicals that would soon be pulsing through my bloodstream.   

            “Okay, Hope, do you have any questions for me?” Doctor Rob asked with a bright smile. I always thought it was strange how happy the doctors in those places seemed.

            I paused for a while before answering, trying to come up with at least one question to ask. My mind was blank, and I imagined how horrible it would be to feel that way all the time. “No, none right now.”

            “Good, there’ll be plenty of time later if you do.”

            Doctor Rob led me to a chair that slightly resembled one that you would find in a Dentists’ office. I was suddenly aware of a swirling in the pit of my stomach, one that slowly began to work its’ way up through my chest. I had felt that very same feeling before, most memorably was the way it paralyzed me seconds before I was supposed to give a speech in front of my high school graduating class. It was the intense feeling of pure fear. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to think of the words to a song that I could sing in my head to pass the time.

            “You know, it’s not gonna hurt. I promise,” the voice was not like any that I had ever heard. It was heavy and soft at the same time, warm and soothing. I opened my eyes. 

            The nurse who had been preparing the I.V. next to my bed was gone. In her place stood a man that I had never seen before. He looked to be in his mid-twenties. The feeling of fear in my gut was replaced with one of embarrassment. I immediately tried to remember if I had put on make-up that morning, and then realized how odd it was that I was thinking about that rather than my treatment. I couldn’t help but smile.

            “See, you’re feeling better already.” He smiled with his eyes, deep blue eyes that were not at all filled with pity.

            I had a hard time thinking of something to say in return. “Yeah,” I breathed. It was all that I could manage.

            He took my arm. I immediately felt chills scramble up my arm, and I fought the urge to shiver. I looked for a nametag on his shirt, but there wasn’t one. As if reading my mind, he spoke. “My name’s Kai.”

            I got lost in his eyes as he spoke; they were deep pools of blue that reminded me immediately of a vacation I had gone on with my parents just after my high school graduation. His eyes were the color of the softly lapping waves of the Maui shore, cool, crisp and soothing. A sense of nostalgia washed over me as I stared, rather obviously, in to Kai’s face. After a moment I realized that he was looking back at me in much the same way and my cheeks began to flush as I looked away.

            “I’m sorry,” he stammered as he continued readying me for my treatment. I liked the slight embarrassment in his voice; it gave me a warm sense of confidence. 

            “So, you been working here long?” I asked. I immediately lost my sense of security and felt completely stupid for asking such an obviously “small talk” question. 

            Kai laughed and then answered. “Only a few months actually. I’m still in school, believe it or not, but don’t worry, you’re in good hands.” 

            I watched his fingers as they worked deliberately with the IV needle. Kai had the most beautiful hands of any man I had ever seen, slender and soft, but strong at the same time. Suddenly I remembered where I was and what was about to happen and I felt slightly dizzy. I closed my eyes and laid my head back in an attempt to stop the room from spinning around me.

            “Okay, you’re going to feel a little stick and then some slight burning, but everything’s going to be all right,” Kai reassured me. 

            The “little stick” wasn’t really that bad, but the burning was quite uncomfortable as the chemicals started to flow in to my veins. I kept my eyes closed and tried to tune out everything around me. It was then that I felt the warmth of his hand. I immediately opened my eyes and tried to fight back the tears. Kai held my hand and started to sing. His voice was magical, and for the next ten minutes it transported me to a place where there were no tubes or medication, to where the world was bright and earthy and not white and sterile.

            “I sound a lot better with my guitar, I promise,” Kai joked. His eyes glinted, and I tried to figure out if he was flirting with me or not. I took a chance and answered. 

            “I wouldn’t mind hearing that sometime,” I said brightly, “but I thought you sounded pretty good without it too.”

            “You’re sweet…and beautiful, how’d you get so lucky?”

            I thought for a moment. I thought about just how “unlucky” I had been, how I wasn’t even old enough to go in to a bar and buy a drink, but I was having to deal with my impending demise. Still, in that moment I did feel pretty lucky. I marveled at how strange the world was, how it always seemed like things happened at the oddest times. I had lived for twenty years and had never had what I would consider a “first love”, and now this amazing man was sitting next to me, flirting with me, and I probably only had a year to live. “Lucky…” I muttered.

            “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” his voice trailed off. Kai let go of my hand and stood up. 

            “It’s okay,” I said, but I could tell that he still felt bad for opening such a dark door.

            “Well, you’ve got a little while longer here and I’ve got a few more patients to see, so I’ll check back in on you in a few minutes.”

            He never came back. I watched the door hopefully every time that I heard footsteps, but the minutes ticked slowly passed and I remained alone. After a while I laid my head back and fell slowly in to a shallow sleep. It wasn’t deep enough for dreams, but I managed to turn my thoughts in to a comforting string of moments that carried me through the quiet darkness. I thought of myself standing ankle deep in the ocean, the sun slowly setting over the water. I thought of the salty breeze blowing through my sandy blond hair, warm, but crisp. I heard the sound of seagulls and the crashing of waves, and I imagined the soothing security of a man’s arms around me…

 

***

 

            “Hope,” my mother said quietly, shaking my shoulder. “It’s time to go.”

            I had fallen asleep…dreaming of things that were so starkly beautiful and soothing, and when I opened my eyes I was immediately greeted with the same sterile sadness.

             Upon the insistence of a nurse, I got in to a wheelchair and allowed her to wheel me out the front door of the hospital. The sky blazed burnt orange and a balmy breeze sent the dry leaves from the parking lot in to a tiny whirlwind.

            “There you go,” the nurse said, helping me out of the chair.

            My knees were weak, and a strange feeling filled the pit of my stomach, but I shook it off after a few minutes and headed to the car. My father opened the door for me and just before I got inside I heard my name.

            “Hope!” 

            I turned to see Kai jogging toward the car. He had my sweater in his hands. His dark hair, long in the front was blowing in the breeze, and in that moment he was an image from a movie, a lover running toward his beloved. I couldn’t help but smile. 

            “You forgot this,” he said. As he handed it to me his hand brushed mine and electric sparks crawled up my arm. 

            “Thanks,” I said quietly.  When I looked up to his eyes, I saw something in them that caused my breath to catch in my throat. I narrowed my own eyes and tried to look deeper, to see the whole thing, but it was like trying to read the numbers off of a license plate as the car pulled away. Still, I knew what I had seen…I had seen the flickering flames of desire. 

            On the way home I clutched my sweater tightly. I felt something in the pocket; it was a small, folded piece of paper. My mother was chattering at me about things that I had no interest in, while my father focused on the road. I offered the occasional “uh-huh” while I slowly unfolded the note.

            Hope,

I really do sound better with the guitar. I’d like to prove that to you one day.

Kai

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

oh friend this is so sad ,i have enough sadness in my life if i spill on every one it will be more than enough,i almost cried ,he said ,i am really better with the guitar,oh poor souls,as i told you this life , is a cruel life,look at what time he came ,20 years you lived ,then he came just at a time when you are leaving,not exactly the suitable timing,he is in for lots to expect ,and you are out,and have nothing to hope for ,yes life and its irony,oh i feel for you,how much torments in this life ,i know ,i just know ,for i had my share and much more ,so i know ,i know...

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Hmm...not quite what I was expecting to come next, I must say. Caught me off guard. I don't know, I get the feeling that the fear of what is going on would kind of supercede all other feelings. I mean, death on one hand, cute guy on the other...I would think that she wouldn't even care at the moment, but that may just be me. I can understand the feelings of comfort in cute Kai bringing a sense of...well, comfort to Hope. Then again, I could be wrong, I don't know. Her feelings of attraction to him seemed a little too...overbearing to me, considering the circumstances.
Don't misunderstand, I like what I'm reading, I just really wasn't expecting a love interest to show up like this. I suppose in the proceeding chapters, it might make more sense. I think that up until this point, I was expecting the treatment to be the main focus, and now it's like, okay it's not, there's another aspect to this story. But that's okay. It adds a dimension to the story that doubles the interest from the reader. On the one hand, I want to know if she'll make it through alive, and now I want to know if she'll get the guy too. So it's all good.
The only other thing that I'm questioning in this section, it's quite nitpicky I know, but the part about her falling asleep, but not deep enough to have dreams. From what I've understood from psychology classes - of all things - dreams usually take place in the shallower levels of sleep. Deep sleeps are usually devoid of dreams. This is why people's eyes flicker when they dream. So I'm wondering if by shallow sleep, you meant that half-asleep stage or not, but in either case, you may want to clarify that.
Well, you throw a mean curve ball, but I'm still loving the story. And I mean that. I'm excited to see what happens next, and what this Kai fellow is all about. You definitely leave the reader wanting to know more, so that's good. I'm liking!