Challenging The Inevitable

 

We’ve toyed with hope

and danced past death

a thousand times, and still

the void of possibility looms

like some haunted place,

hollow and windowless,

where we sit

across from one another

on chairs without cushions,

resting elbows on the space

where a table should be.

 

The highs and lows

are valleys and peaks,

and like children, each time

we crest a hill and see another

we simply start climbing again,

 

but your legs are tiring,

and I’m out of breath.

 

“I’m all out of tears,” you said,

this morning as you started

the car and pointed it in

the direction of our undoing,

and I allowed those words to hang

in the space between us

for far too long before

I rolled down the window

and felt the wind in my hair.

 

I carry your heart with my own

in a secret place, soft and safe,

vowing to care for it until

life becomes livable again;

still I wonder when you’ll miss it,

when you will look passed grief

and into yourself for long enough

to realize that the beating is gone,

and there’s something missing.

 

Perhaps not today, and

perhaps not tomorrow, but

someday soon,

 

we will both find ourselves again.

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

I can see here you are afraid of what is hidden ,of life blows,and you both challenging it,you toyed with hope ,and danced past past death still possibility looms,the highs and lows are like valleys and peaks,you cross a hill to find another,till both out of breath,and you say ,out of love ,lots love you carry his heart,safe and sound until life is livable again,i see you are the stronger partner here,so life is not livable today but tomorrow or some day you will find yourselves again,i still feel though not sure you both feel insecure in this life and you love him a lot and worry for him ,you certainly seem much stronger ,however ,this is so lovely ,nice words and emotions

[wicked.wanderer]

I've never read something that had so much imagery put into it..
I mean, I have, but it wasn't beautiful.
This is a beautiful poem.
I loved the break-up of the lines and stanzas.
It really enhanced the writing.

[James Kay]

Wow. This is wonderful. I really like the way you mix material and abstract ideas/imagery. The story the poem tells and the moment it captures really speaks to me and rings true as well.

[Sa]

You are an incredible writer. Remarkably skilled. I get excited when I come across excellent writing. You're one of the best I've found on here thus far.

[Logan Carryall]

So is our destiny, this reality, to find its discomfort a comfort, and our dishonor our pride? I love the telling of this tale simply because you have incorporated two beings, sparing the inevitable destruction that would occur to just one. In this, you still have a strong hold on the commonality of human experience. Your character, nor his/her lover, have completely lost site. Something, in the heart, has kept them alive yet jaded. Is this love? Or commiseration?

Your imagery cast a light, as if to a post-apocalyptic road, upon the ruins of what was once civilization. Saying:
"to realize that the beating is gone," is to achieve reality at last. Sight beyond the ruins.

Is that not the goal? Dismiss this disillusion in order to build upon the newest and truest.
to say,
"we will both find ourselves again."

Your flow is honest, and breaks as it would in reality, in moments, as they pass.
I always liked that style.

I am glad to see that what exist in the hearts of the two wanderers allows for the eventual hope to make itself known.
-Great read

_Logan

[T]

Nice poem. The following lines were great:

We've toyed with hope
and danced past death
a thousand times, and still
the void of possibility looms

I really like the way you began the poem.

Perhaps not today, and
perhaps not tomorrow, but
someday soon,


we will both find ourselves again.

And the ending was great and full of hope. Good job!

[[untitled]]

This poem reminds me of a Charlotte Perkins Gilman story. Something about the feel of it takes me back to her stories. I think it's because this poem conveys a sense of desperation, held firmly in place with a modicum of hope, perhaps with a hope for release, perhaps? In any case, that's why I'm reminded of Perkin's story. A lot of her work has this feeling to it. That's my interpretation of it.
Just one thing, when you say "passed", should that be "past?" I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that you intended the intransitive verb in this instance.
I like especially the last half of the first stanza. That imagery is just in my face and takes hold of my mind. I like that. =)

[William B. Burkholder]

THis is such a sad and beautifully riveting poem, what an awesome piece of writing

[Gandré]

this was such a wonderful poetry! very personal experience and how you manage to transport love and positiveness through out the whole poem! I adore it!! very metaphysical...it was reading ....like a dream... from afar. I also loved the hope in the last line...you try to make more of it... like it was... at that special moment...it was like staying up all the night nursing a Godiva truffle. thanks also for reviewing my poem Spinning. much appreciated. gandr�