Porcelain

For Grandma

Sweet Pallor Porcelain Doll,

The true quality of life has been escaping your delicate body for years.

 

 Your youth so far behind you seems like old pictures kept in photo albums, but I can still see it in you, grandma.

 

 And although I have only known you for nineteen years, the youth in your smile reminds me you were my age too.

 

You ran in the grass and played with dolls, perhaps made of porcelain.

 

 Delicate and fragile like you are now, did you ever see yourself in them?

 

 I see myself in you though I'm not born from your fruits, I am just as much a part of you as the rest of them.

 

For nineteen years I have seen you change into someone who has good days and bad days.

 

 Days of vanilla ice cream and nail polish, and harder times when you forget who I am or where we are.

 

 I am still watching you change now in between hospitals and rehab centers.

 

 Now the good days seem to be if you wake up, and the worst days are like today.

 

 It is a terrible day to rest Doll because the clouds have taken over the sky, and it is raining.

 

 Perhaps you should wait until the snow is gone and sun warms our cheeks again.

 

Maybe you should hold on for another Christmas or best yet- another birthday.

 

It is selfish to think we can keep you here for ourselves though, and I would never put the pressure on you to choose.

 

 I guess a child would rather keep a broken doll than to have no doll at all.

 

 But as special as you are Grandma, you deserve some real rest.

 

 So while you are resting for the rest of our lives, we can remember the person who changed my mother's life.

 

We can remember the best times we have ever had together.

 

My sister and I will never forget the countless number of Christmas pajamas you gave us on Christmas Eve "Just for Luck."

 

 I promise to remember every shade of nail polish I ever let you choose, and all of our afternoons of painting your nails and playing cards

 

 What do you think you will miss the most?

 

Or maybe a better question is "What are you already missing?"

 

 When you close your eyes for the last time Grandma I hope you think about the best memories you have.

 

. I hope they are filled with Dad and Grandpa.

 

 I hope holidays float by, and celebrations do too.

 

 But secretly, and most importantly, I hope you think of me somewhere in there.

 

When it is your turn to take your final breaths Grandma, don't fret.

 

 We all want you to stay, but it is better for you to go. Every doll deserves some rest, and every angel deserves to go home.

Reviews

[Greg Skura]

This is very sweet! It is sad to let the ones we love go, although in certain circumstances it is for the best. I enjoy the way you "promise to remember every shade of nail polish" we must remember who they were, not who they may become through illness. Thank you for sharing at this difficult time.