I can't do this with you any more.....

"I can't do this with you anymore"

The words she spoke froze
mechanically
   in the air,
deathly still like a
blistering
   winter's breeze
that left my cold, desolate heart
barely beating and
   begging for a second chance.

 

At that very moment,
I was twelve years old again -
feeling detached
and alone,
and lying face-down,
   covered in mashed potatoes
and the center of attention
for all the wrong reasons
   in front of all the wrong people.

 

Love is give and take,
and so after an eternity of
   taking grief and crying herself
     to sleep at night,
she finally chose to give.
'Tis the season to give,
after all, but like the old proverb says,
it really is better to give
   than to receive.

 

My heart beats on,
but only as a cracked, empty shell,
sincerely bled and
   missing everything that kept it alive.
She never knew how much she meant,
but only because I never said;
   there were no words to say,
but only because I never opted to
say them when the time was right.

 

Now, without her,
I find the time is always right
and that my lungs have all the
energy required to say
   what really needed to be said,
and at night,
   when I pass her in the market,
I feel myself growing thin and
   needing to feed upon her warmth.

 

It's only after you've walked alone
that you realize how much
   the missing part of your soul
     really matters;
I realize that now,
and each time I see myself in a mirror,
I'm left wondering how exactly she
  got away,
and how exactly I lived without her....

Reviews

[Erik Bergstrom]

This was touching, one of those pieces that touches the cores of everyone, because we all have a similar connection, whether it's small or big.

I liked the indented lines -- were those meant as small interjections into your main thoughts? That's how I read them. I read them as whispers, to be honest. Quite effective style.

My favorite lines were:
and the center of attention
for all the wrong reasons
in front of all the wrong people.

I guess it didn't really have to do with the rest of the poem, but here you've taken your ability to make images like ones from your stories and add them to your poetry. And then you used those lines to end it, strong words that I couldn't have thought up myself.

If only I could write poetry, I'd know what else to say. But I did truly enjoy this piece.

[Amber Victoria Tudor]

bearing you heart can make for some beautiful words. I guess the "when I pass her in the market" hit home more for me. You see all that was and all thats gone. Thank you.

[The Last Ronin]

Outstanding work.

BTW, You ended up covered in mashed potatoes in jr high too? ;)

[L. L. Jacobson]

This is a beautiful iliteration of yor heart; it has always been this way: not the story, per se, but your emotions, stout and heroic.
I know you like it when I have more of an insightful review, as I usually do in reviewing your (fantastic) pieces, but on this one, all I can do is just sit back and take in the profound emotions you've conveyed: appreciation.
(which I should do more of, in every way)
.......and I certainly appreciate this story within your poetic words, especially the end, which just made me swallow all of everything you felt and wanted to say:

It's only after you've walked alone
that you realize how much
the missing part of your soul
really matters;
I realize that now,
and each time I see myself in a mirror,
I'm left wondering how exactly she
got away,
and how exactly I lived without her....

THANK YOU.

[Tasha]

Golden, heartbreaking....love. Love can be a wondrous thing, a realization, or the worst pain you've ever felt. I think you've shown all those aspects here. Wonderful work.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Man this is right on point I often have trouble feeling a poem if it doesn't rhyme (so shoot me) but this ... this is me at my darkest moment(s). As though you were behind me with pad & pen

Going in my favorites

[Caroline Tigeress]

Haunting, very, very haunting. It lingers on the pallete like a communion wafer and wine.

[Pierce Franklin]

"and at night,
when I pass her in the market,
I feel myself growing thin and
needing to feed upon her warmth."

Great imagery in this, I can really feel the coldness and the emptiness you feel here. Bleak but beautifully written.

[Valerie Jones]

This piece is emotionally so powerful, and filled with captured moments of such immense love... It is wonderful to be able to value what we have without the need to lose it to open our eyes. Beautiful write!

[Leah Simone]

I really liked this one. The reality of loss leaves us feeling naked and vulnerable to the cruelty of the world -- as if that person was our shield from the brutality of life. I also liked the way you phrased the part about not having the words while you had the opportunity and now the words are always on the tip of your tongue. This was a fantastic piece. It is great you took the time to really imagine what it would be like without having to go there in person. - Leah

[Michele]

I liked the story. Very descriptive and the emotion was well captured. What else can I say.