The Moon

The moon burns,
spinning like a
UFO
and wondering when
(and why)
   it was forsaken.

 

It yearns for attention -
for the
rumbling
of life
pulsating
like a migraine
to the root
of its very
existence;

 

It yearns for somebody,
anybody,
   to look at its
scornful,
   pock-marked face
and then to feel so
alive
that they have to
look again;

 

It yearns for love like
an adolescent,
and for attention like
a wife,
broken in half at the
hands
of infidelity
and wanting one last
hug
(kiss)
(f**k)
from her husband.

 

Still it stands,
stoic in its
silence,
and gives away its
watered-down,
   generic type of happiness-
the kind that comes
at the end of
a broken life,
lived in the shadows
and forgotten.

Reviews

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

You have a certain style of poetry here Chas and... I love it! Your vivid imagery and similies take the mind on a rollercoaster through the moon's emotions, wants, desires, and sadnesses. One small thing, though: If you use an explicit word like that, the correct category for the poem is *Mature* instead of Everyone. I wonder if you used the same picture I did in my poem about the moon??? I'm off to check! Great job here Chas.

[Caroline Tigeress]

That's a really intense piece of work, Chas. My only caveat would be to remove the parenthesis from the words you've done - It could go either way, but it's something I'm not familiar with. I think this would be a cool piece of spoken poetry.

Caroline

[Pierce Franklin]

"It yearns for somebody,
anybody,
to look at its
scornful,
pock-marked face
and then to feel so
alive
that they have to
look again;"

A great metaphor for teenage angst and loneliness, particularly the "pock-marked" bit. At least that's how I read it - I apologose if I'm wrong, but still this is great.

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

this is great man.
it seems that the moon was consequently introduced in here with great imagery and somewhat misery...evn with its great ambiance, sometimes it can simply be forgotten...

i can really buy your ideas in an easy manner with respect to your undiminished talent (not lyk mine, hastily made through unrefined points. and end up wondering????)...and with good rhythm and slight depth of the poem, it realy got me going....

[Juliette Cross]

I've always had a soft spot for the moon and preferred it over the sun.
I like "one last kiss from her husband" and not the other ones.
I like the idea of the moon being forsaken.

[Miss J]

i actually like the word "f**k" there. gave me that ironic half smile thing, and i like how it connected to a mood swing of a woman. and it sorta brought the piece to its climax, for me, and then the last stanza was the closure.

this got better as it went along. i like how you personify the moon with teenage emotion, woman emotion and overall life.

fav. part:
It yearns for somebody,
anybody,
to look at its
scornful,
pock-marked face
and then to feel so
alive
that they have to
look again;

the spacing just added to the image there. awesome.

the only thing that didn't work for me was the ufo image/metaphor. maybe cause it wasn't a person personification or maybe cause it seemed a little forced. dunno but that's just my opinion. :D

i love reading your work. its refreshing and you always have interesting points of view.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

this is powerful. it moved me.

great job. i thougth the word "f**k" was a little harsh, thrown in there like that, but perhaps that's what you wanted. but the rest of the poem had such a despondent, lilting quality.

[Nicole Hellene]

P.S. Capatalize "Moon" in the title

[Nicole Hellene]

this was very well put together. I liked it a lot. You didn't come off cliche at all. As for stanza 4, I recommend "kiss."