Revelation (Untitled 3)

We live forever tethered

to the grave like

pink gelatinous parfúm,

strapped nonchalantly to

the white ceramic face of a urinal

waiting

just waiting

to be used up.

 

We spread ourselves

paper thin

throughout the world

and leave behind

pieces of ourselves,

lingering

unnoticed

throughout the room

until finally we’re used up…

 

…watered down and empty,

forgotten and unseen,

we’re left living as skeletons

(in the closet)

of our past selves,

so cold and watered down.

Just watered down

and used up.

Reviews

[Wendy G.]

yup, i get it. we're born, we die . . . we live our lives in fear of death, and the clock ticking out, and we try to do so much, so f*****g much with what we have, without taking that time out to even notice it.

i dig every line

[Christina]

It's good. The flow of words is excellent, though I seem toshare the same general opinion on the last stanza as a few others. It's not needed. Overall, fantastic, though.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I have to admit, I feel a bit less significant having read this. I might have to fend off a "what's the use!" type of gloom. But the poem certainly gets the feeling across perfectly. I am also unsure about the need for the last three lines.

[Richard Hartshorn]

really good. I'm kinda iffy about the last stanza but still, very introspective. As far as figuring it out....a urinal cake and other bathroom-related items? Haha.

[Juliette Cross]

used up, watered down, used up. i love how that makes me feel.

[Caroline Tigeress]

Very, very good. It's brevity is its' strong point, as your words were carefully chosen - the volume of words as well as their selection help to impart the point on the reader.

Well done.

Caroline

[J Kowett]

Exquisite! Fantastic use of words! Very very good!

[Pierce Franklin]

This is incredibly profound, particularly the first two verses. It seems that you are often prone to attacks of brilliance. Fantastic.

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

,i agree to this idea being deliberately contrasted with this toilet-thing, LOL... after all wer used up and torn apart (through the pleasure of others), we will end up watered and decmposing imperceptably!!
wHoo ..nice imagery!!!

[Kara Emily Krantz]

this is really powerful, and the flow is very nice. there was a delicate strength about it. i liked the idea of spreading ourselves so thin for this world.