SEE...

" ...a joint writing project-- concept and original poem by Jola S...; English interpretation by Mark Teague"

 

SEE.../Zobacz/

 

 

Look!

Soon it will be night,

And before the Dawn, I may see

Another such as me, another frail flower

Playing a sad, soft song in my piano...

 

Can you hear my notes, fragile as butterflies,

Flying out the window, through the storm?

I note that other flowers such as I have died already!

 

 

 

 

See how the player of the guitar

 

Has plunged his face into Darkness,

For he sees me, and he knows...

Knows that my time is short!

 

Can you not see that the meadows

Are painted with Fall's fallen flowers,

Held hostage by their own Nature,

Blinded by the coming winter's hues?

 

 

 

 

Now, sisters, I beg you:

 

Shed your heavy coats,

And shun those who would shield you from Life!

Grow anew your wings, and fly...fly...

Fly out to what awaits you!

 

jola  and mark teague
  October, 2009

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

I like the first two verses - very delicate! The next two stanzas introduce a darker element. The meaning of the last verse is somewhat lost on me - the 'heavy coats' for instance. I can't see the point of the huge gaps between sections, either. They tend to indicate that we're dealing with three separate poems here.

[Goddisia]

Perhaps this is a question of the "Slavic" soul... but i know very well what you are writing about. it is very uniform for me and expresses certain nostalgia that we absorb with the howling of the gray November rains and the subdued music of Chopin. Keep writing Jola!

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is beautiful and sad. You left us with a good ending. Flow and story was very good. Thank you.
Coyote

[FatalityWriter467]

I have never seen someone as like you in regards for lack of talent. F-

[Jenny Nelson]

I liked this. Delicate, then a little harsh, then hopeful. I like it when music changes drastically withing the same piece, enjoy it in writing too. The way it reads is different. It flows, but it doesn't just kind of melt from one line to another. A good piece!

[Tina Kline]

I thought this poem very beautiful and delicate. I could almost hear the music and see the butterfly notes flying out the window on delicate wings. A darkness in the poem as well as hope at the end for freedom in life from death and constraints.

Well done!

[Through the Gateway]

A very beautiful write, Jola! The imagery is excellent and I love the style.

[Magdelena]

Oh Jola this was pure delight!!! Yes i hear the notes softly playing. I loved All, yet the ending haunted me, for its words.. They took over me and i found myself going over this piece over and over.

Now, sisters, I beg you:
Shed your heavy coats,
And shun those who would shield you from Life!
Grow anew your wings, and fly...fly...
Fly out to what awaits you!


Oh this was divine!!! To all sisters everywhere.. So divine!

Fab list this goes.

Mags xx

[cest la vie]

This is a beautiful poem. The messages are so heartfelt and uplifting. Nicely done!!

[Ellen Hammond]

Soft amd sobering. The wistful tone of this piece shows a desire to shed that which weights you down (heavy coats) and fly. I both the concept and the interpretation.

[Marie Anzalone]

Yes, Jola, I can hear the notes playing. I can hear them indeed. You are absolutely right- those who would shield us from pain would also strip away an essential part of life. Let us instead transcend the pain, like you do in this lovely write, and take back the night while we await the dawn.

This was very nicely done. I liked the way you used the progression of words to send your message to your "sisters".