Delirious another Bite in the Night..

I vampire encounter ..this is the begining of the first chaptor, I hope you all enjoy it.

 

Delirious

another bite in the night

 

“Delirious”, I hear a voice pronounce it as if a verdict regarding the poor creature which they are referring to and suddenly it occurs to me I am the poor creature which they are referring to.

I know, I have been rambling on in my delirium .

For a women in her mid forties, stumbling across the street in the wee hours of the morning , her blouse covered in blood , who confesses to meeting a nice young couple on the train that turned out to be bloodsucking vampires, “ They got off the train at the same stop as I did they offered to walk me too my apartment , they mentioned that is was dangerous for me to walk alone , young hoodlums, looking to rob someone , suddenly they seem amused they smile and I know , I just know and I run, I mean I try to run , but it the street is slick and wet and I am wearing heels and women always fall in these sorts of situations and I fall and those two very charming beautiful people..oh God, what have I said , I'd be put in the mental ward, if not for delirium, sure that is my saving grace in the emergency room that night, I must of looked to be your typical bar fly making her way home after a few too many drinks at the local watering hole, who had somehow managed to acquire a few odd puncture wounds and bruises, and lost a lot of blood , The fact is I was no where near a bar that night nor am I ever, I had just closed my shop , it's a botanical I mix up herbs and oils and incense that sort of stuff . I stay late most nights , I have one employee Arlie she is only 19 but I swear she had to have been at Woodstock , she is what they would call a hippie if we were living in the 1960's...perhaps her parents, nope wait her grandparents were there and the air was so potent with hippie vibe that it has been passed down to Arlie, my shop is called “ Nature's Nursery” My name is Mary Lamb , yes , my father Maury Lamb , thought It would be cute to name me Mary and I have been taunted with that rhyme all my life, now I simply endure it with a forced smile ,

Coming out of the fog , my eyes focus , a nurse adjust some tubing that I am attached to, “ Looks like you had a rough night, young lady, you've lost a lot of blood , Dr. Katz recommended a transfusion.”

Young lady, for a woman in her late forties that term becomes more rare the people using it become older and older , this nurse was not old at all she was in her mid to late twenties.” You, should carry pepper spray, I always do” .

As the nurse prattled on , I begin to notice that, I did not feel all that bad considering the fact that I was attacked by Vampires only a few hours ago. I felt rather good , suspiciously so, “ Can you bring me a mirror” I asked the nurse. “ Sure, by the way my name is Gina “, Gina opened a little table by the bed and pulled out a little square mirror, I was afraid to look, I felt it , I knew it, I remembered how oddly beautiful the couple on the train seemed to me , ageless really as if they were old souls in new beautiful bodies, l knew it, but still was utterly ceased by my own Image in that mirror I know, I gasped, I have never looked like this at any point of my life and have never thought myself to be stunningly Beautiful, all the things that went through my mind , had my parents seen me last night surely the hospital had called them, did I look like this , or had I still appeared to be the victim of a mugging?,

“ Nurse , who, did the Dr. call , when I was brought into the emergency room?”

“ Your parents , I think , no grandparents”.

“ my grandparents , No, could not have been my grandparents, on my mother's side they are both deceased and my father only has one parent alive granny Lamb, and she lives in Spain.”

“ Your parents, were they older when they had you?”

I was beginning to understand , I am, a vampire ?, I mean , I am not dead even a very bad doctor would have detected that little detail. Nurse Gina , patted my hand and excused herself from the room promising to be back with breakfast , do I eat?, I was feeling rather ravenous, will I want blood?, it did not seem at this moment I did .there was sunlight streaming through the window of my room , beaming onto me and yet my flesh was not burning off the bone, I am no stranger to the literary Vampire.

What now?, does a pale man in a cape show up and explain my fate? Or will I a receive a book , “ Introduction for the newly Vampired”, OK that is silly, but something's got to happen next.

 

 

Author's Note

I've been working on the structure and grammer if you notice errors , please let me know.

Reviews

[V. Lucien Maier]

well two things you have to do for the reader to follow along.
1. Paragraphs, even if missed placed help the piece flow better. You have to break it up, or the reading hurts your readers eyes. Think of it this way read your story. everytime you take a breath, paragraph. You'll figure the rest out I am sure.
2. When a new character speaks do a new paragraph and "Ouotes"
when you say: "he was a jerk." And she said "Yeah but cute." ::::: This is muddled. look at this
"he was a jerk"
And she said "Yeah but cute." :::: See how much cleaner it is on the eyes. Fix that and it will greatly help the piece.
Now the story,
Very Good. This is a great scene, and I have done a lot of vampire scenes. This realization scene hook in a reader without mercy, if there was a part two I would read it. I will say it feels like you are building something larger with it. Which is good if you know where your going. It was a fun idea, and I liked the mixing of legend and truth. Something I work with heavily in my series so I am a bit partial.
Thanks for the request I enjoyed it.
Lucien

Nice and dark. I really would like to know what happens next.
The idea of the book for the newly vampired made me laugh.
Good luck in the competition.
-ST-

[Georgia Gypsy]

I am so happy i found your writing! I love all things vampire or paranormal, this is great! I am writing about vampires myself, but I do love how your story is going!, cant wait to see more....!

[Tobias Wall]

I get the feeling of being detached, in an out-of-body sort of way...I like that feeling when reading. I like the way the commas separate stuff as it adds to the feeling of delirium or detached-ness...I can audibly hear the way Mary Lamb is speaking by the way you've constructed the writing.
I like!

[Beregond]

I have to agree with your other reviewer on all points. Fixing a few spelling errors (one that might really elude you, "prattled" is spelled with t's, not d's), adjusting the structure a bit, etc., will help this one flow a lot better. But the content is quite exciting! You have layered your opening well, keeping things interesting, building a little anticipation for what's to come. I look forward to the next segment!

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

Thank you ..I totally appreciate your review and am going to work on clearing this up a bit..