He thinks he's won.

I mean, I dont want to hurt him but if he's going to be difficult about this then he'll have to be handled. And I mean in anyway possible.

I feel like I’ve just surrendered.

And I have.

I just gave him the upper hand.

Or did I?

 

I can twist this around into making him think I’ve changed.

I can make him think that I’m trying to be good.

And then I can just one day casually slip something of the sexual nature into a convo,

Then apologize for even mentioning something like that.

 

I can play this any way I want.

I know that he wants me.

I know that he wants to do the right thing.

I know that he needs to feel secure.

I know that I can make him feel secure.

 

I can pretend that I’ve changed my sinful ways.

I do want him, but he doesn’t have to know that.

I want what I want, and I always get it.

He’s going to be mine.

 

I just have to earn his trust back

And then make one or two mistakes,

Be a good girl for a little while longer

And then go in for the kill.

 

I think that if I’m subtle enough that I can get away with it.

I’m officially setting a goal for myself,

Earn his trust by Christmas.

Have the goodie girl thing in check,

And maybe a little after I start school

I can ask him for a bit of guidance with my algebra.

 

Play nice with him,

Make him think he’s in control.

That’s the key,

Make him feel like no matter what this thing will never,

Ever happen again.

 

It is and I know it.

History always repeats itself,

Its just a matter of how long we have to wait.

Author's Note

I wrote the entire thing as a journal and just turned it into a poem.