The three little pigs

I want to set things straight before I get out of here. Before the trial. I want to tell MY side of the story. The pain in my ankles and right up my calves is so bad it's got me howling at the moon. Every time they change the dressings they say I was lucky it wasn't third  degree burns. And I'm hungry. Hospital food is lousy.

I didn't do it. The damage I mean look, what do you expect when you build a house out of inferior materials? STRAW for Pete's sake! Minimal erection problems,sure,but it's not going to last! After all,this is cyclone season. Don't they know anything?

All I wanted to do was warn them of the danger.

"Little pig!" I said after tap, tap, tapping at his soft little door.

"Little pig! Are you there? Iv'e just heard there's a huge cyclone on the way,and by the time it gets done with you,there won't be enough left of this shack to build a bird's nest!"

So the ungrateful little swine snorts at me: "Get lost"

I was only trying to  save him and his haystack from blowing clear across town.

And sure enough...before you could say this little piggy went to the market....Kaffooey! Who says pigs can't fly?

Now I may not be famous for my good deeds but that's largely due to bad publicity involving mankind's common misconception of us and the way we have been portrayed in their stories. You should never believe everything you read.

So,anxious to reach my "good deed" for the day I bounded across the field to the newly constructed pig palace belonging to none other than the little squealer's brother. Another Waste of time construction job, and hardly got a good deal on a bundle of sticks.

"Little pig," I shouted,hammering on his door.

"Little pig,they've just declared a state of emergency. There's a HUGE cyclone about to blow your house down. Your brother just got wiped out big time!"

now,you must bear in mind that his brain is the size of a baby pea. The ungrateful little oinker grunts..."Get lost or I'll call the cops."

"Fine then," I tell him."Don't listen to me ...you deserve to end up as a schnitzel sandwich!"

Sure enough,the cyclone lifted the flimsy little bungalow right off the ground and blew him towards the center of town. And suddenly THIS little piggy was NOT staying at home!

Ever determined to end the myth about being big and bad, I decided to warn the third bacon brother about the impending gale force winds.

I hurried across the next field towards the home of pig brother number three. This little guy must have been at the front of the pigpen when the brains were handed out for a change.

His little house was stylish, practical-and built out of bricks,sure-probably recycled-but better than his siblings attempts at making the cover of better pig sty and gardens.

I knocked on the door and found, to my amazement the other two brothers had joined him in the brick house. Spreading vicious rumors about me, no doubt.

"hey you guys!: I said.

" Go away wolf," they said rudely,"or we'll be forced to use THIS!" And next thing you know,the nose of a twelve gauge shotgun comes poking through the letterbox.

"No! It's not what you think!" I yelled in a panic. "Don't be so pig-headed! There really is a cyclone on the way!"

"Why should we believe you? You don't exactly have a great reputation around here. Remember Little Red Riding Hood? PERVERT!"

That was a little below the furr I thought...

"Hang on-that was never proved!"

I argued my case for a while-then Hallelujah! I got through! Or so I thought. Not that it really mattered  much to me. My good deed was filled for the day and I was just about ready to move on. I had picnic baskets to take to old sick ladies,I had directions to give people lost in the woods...you know...all that day to day, bread and butter stuff.

"Okay," says bricklayer piggy."Thanks for the warning...we're packing right now."

"The cyclone came close-I don't think you have time!"

"We'll be quick!" they squealed. Then came the part where instinct should have told me to become suspicious.

"Say, do you think you can do us a favor?"

"Okay but it will have to be quick,my life is in danger too!"

" Well there is a metal safe with all our life savings in it. We keep it in the chimney,but it seems to be stuck. Do you think you could climb up into the chimney and shove it down with your feet?"

I thought about it,and it didn't seem like a hard task. Besides,it could all go towards changing public perception about me. So I agreed. I shimmied up the drain  pipe to the roof, and across to the chimney.

And that's just about where I decided never to trust anyone again!

I lowered myself into the stone of the chimney,which was just big enough for me to fit, and down into the blackness I went. Next thing you know I'm up to my knees  in a huge castor iron pot of boiling water! The rotten little grunters were laughing their ugly snouts off and dancing around in circles. Just before I blacked out,I heard one of them say "QUICK! Get out the wolf glass-the one we've been keeping for special occasions!"

Next thing I woke up here in a hospital. Luckily the cyclone came along just in time and blew the door in. Even luckier,the authorities were cruising the area checking evacuation proceedings-and it seems they could smell me cooking. The three pigs were arrested,clapped in pig irons and thrown in the pen. They were charged with attempted wolf slaughter, one count of threatening with a firearm and two counts of failing to comply with building regulations.

As well as the criminal trial,I'm filing a civil suit for personal damages. My lawyer Mr Wolbane says I should get a hefty payout. I'm going to open up my own restaurant. I'm going to call it "Hogs Bristle Cafe" And i can assure you I won't have a problem serving pigs...

 

Reviews

[Leon C]

Well done a nice twist on a popular and well known story. It made me laugh out loud. Which is a good sign for a write piece.

[HippieSoulPunx]

Love it, a nice twist in a classic story from the point of view of the wolf. You know, I never did trust pigs, haha. But yeah, I love the ending especially, the poor dude was just trying to do a nice thing, make people like him, but now he's been broken down enough to become a villain-like character that people already assume him to be. Excellent piece of writing, really enjoyed reading this :)

[Angelique]

Thank you very much, I wanted to write it from a different point of view as we always say there are two parts of a story so need to tell his as well :) I am glad that you liked it