Deprived

A poem that basically tells of what people don't usually look at - because sometimes, you won't believe something until you see it with your own eyes.

We are the deprived

We linger within the consciousness of a higher realm,

We feed off the energy offered to us -

That derives us the form of sinful innocence.

In a world where we cannot be seen -

The task is yours to take - 

To unravel our masks

And bring us into existence.

Author's Note

I really hope to expand my writing skills and I am open to any helpful comments or honest opinions and I would love to improve.

Reviews

[marcus]

I think this sounds really good! Perhaps you could expand on it a bit to make it's meaning more clear. I'm thinking of ghosts, that we call into existence. and I did find the line "That derives us the form of sinful innocence" a little ambiguous. But I like your style!

[Bare trees]

This is a bit esoteric it seems. Sinful innocence? Would that mean impure thought? The phrase 'that derives us' is a little confusing. Did you mean deride for us?

I do see what your saying here and it does make you think a little about what we show the world as compared to what we feel like inside.