What do I see

What do I see
When I look in
The mirror

I see a broken
Ugly, girl who wants
to be someone else

I see a girl
Who doesn't feel average
looking or pretty at all

All I see is
A girl with fat
A girl with an ugly face.

A girl who has
The constant weight of
The world on her shoulders

She has to endure
Everything and not say anything
She has to hold back

All of her emotions
Just so she won't
Be labed a negative thing

She has been constantly
Told, that she is isn't
A hot girl

"Your just average looking"
Some say
"If I didn't know you, I wouldn't even glance at you"
Others say

How can one respond to that?
All of her life, being told that
And the one time she actually built up self-esteem

It gets snatched away
Then she is left broken
Again, and left with

Trying to piece her once self image
All broken and shattered
Gone forever

Yes,
What I see is that girl
Who is me

The one who constantly
Struggles with self-image
One day I hope

That I could come to terms with
How I feel about myself
But as for now,

I don't think
I will be able to
Like the body

That I am forced to live in
Constantly, day after day
Night after night

Until the time
It is time for me
To go

I am that broken girl
Now and forever
One who wants to be healed

But yet only finds herself
Constantly struggling
Constantly fighting

Constantly trying to convince
Herself it is alright to be who you are
When society says its not

An outcast
or different
or even unique

I've been called
But even so
If it hurts this much

To be so different
And stand out
Then I don't know

If I want to be different anymore
It hurts so much to be this
Outcast.

I have things girls want
But thats it
Maybe even for once

I would just like it
If I could make jaws drop
When I walk in a room

But it won't happen
Because I am just average looking
Not able to turn heads

And that's all I'll be
An average looking
Outcast girl

That is what I see