Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Grow up with a family of police officers and you should feel safe in your hometown, right? Maybe that’s the case somewhere in the world, but not in Jett City, home of the largest concentration of Hexes in history. Not that it was a fair comparison since Hex was a newer term, only used for the last fifty years or so. Before that they were undoubtedly the witches and wizards of times past. Now they are the Hexes, super powered humans with a long established reputation. This has caused many people to believe that Hexes are thugs just waiting in dark corners to pounce on unsuspecting people.

Despite his family of officers who had seen only the bad side of Hexes, Zach Wallace didn’t have much of an opinion when it came to them. While walking home one night he had his first encounter with a Hex. Frankly, he should have known better than to go into the back streets alone, but it was late and he was tired so he ignored common sense and took the shortcut. With every step the feeling of foreboding grew stronger until he heard a loud whoosh and a line of fire shot past him. He stumbled in shock and collided with a nearby building, before landing on the sidewalk. Zach looked down the street and saw a man with spiky hair approaching, his hands engulfed in flames.

“Hand over your wallet,” he growled threateningly.

Zach leapt to his feet to run, but immediately tripped over a trash can and hit the pavement beneath a lamp post.
“Your money, now!” the man said standing over him. “Otherwise, you’ll receive a free cremation.”

Zach was horrified, he tried reaching for his back pocket, but the messages from his brain were indecipherable by the time they reached his arm. Suddenly the light above them flickered and brightened.

“Oh no,” said the man impatiently. “Not her again.”

“Yes me, again,” said a voice.

Zach couldn’t believe his eyes, sitting atop the lamp post was a teenage girl.

“Aren’t you tired of this game, Fireball?” she asked before slipping off the lamp and landing with unnatural ease between the two.

“Not nearly as tired as I am of that nickname,” he grumbled.

The girl’s hair was a stunning shade of red and combined with the cut looked very familiar, but Zach couldn’t remember why.

“Then find something better to do with your powers instead of robbing kids,” she said bravely, crossing her arms.

The man cursed furiously and threw his deadly fire. Her hands exploded with white light as she positioned them before her and cast a far more dazzling shot than the scorching beam from her opponent. They met halfway with an echoing blast that cancelled out both.

“You never win,” she said coolly. “Go home before you get hurt.”

“Back at ya,” he replied swinging a blazing punch.

She caught his fist in her glowing left hand and fired a beam of light into his chest with her other hand. He hit the ground several feet away and dashed off at lightning speed. The girl turned to Zach with her left hand clutched to her stomach.

“Time to go,” she said grabbing his arm.

As she helped him up Zach caught sight of the hand she was protecting and how badly it was burned. One glance at the blisters, blood and charred skin made his head spin until he looked away.

“You need to get home,” she continued gently pushing him down the road. “If you can’t avoid walking alone at night you should stay in well populated areas.”
“I know that,” Zach replied stunned.

He couldn’t believe how calm she was or the sweet smile on her face.

“Good, now get moving, I may not be here to help you the next time,” she said cheerfully giving him a light shove forward.

Zach staggered slightly and gazed back at her, she was standing under another lamp still shielding her hand.

“I can’t just leave you like this,” he said concerned.

Her smile widened “Don’t worry,” she said softly. “We’ll see each other again soon.”
Without warning she faded into the light and vanished.

Zach didn’t say a word to his family, since they were far too biased to believe it anyway. Nobody had ever heard of a Hex protecting someone from another Hex, especially not his family of uniforms. However, his initial disbelief surrounding the incident dissolved at school the next day when he saw his red headed rescuer in his homeroom class.

Author's Note

Third round of corrections are done, feel free to tell me if I missed anything.

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

Good start. There are a few mispelled words and you need to indent your paragraphs or space this chapter out a little better because it's a bit hard to read but I like the story line.

[Horizon K.]

Really great start! I can totally picture this as an anime. Very curious to know about this world of Hexes and people.

[eatmills]

I don't really have the time to edit right now but this one kicked me in the face-

As she helped him up Zach caught sight of the hand she was protecting and how badly it was burned. One glance at the blisters, blood and charred skin made his head spin until he looked away.

Missing the comma between up and Zach.

Nice first page.

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I started reading this ages ago after Reading The pheonix girl and becoming a fan. Unfortunatly i never finished as i got Really Busy but Im back and plan to finish this time. 1 thing. 2nd Paragraph 4th line. commonsense should be 2 words.

[Keevan]

My kind of book! I'm definately going to keep reading this! :D

[Calypso]

I enjoyed reading this. Very different.

[YokaiShinigami]

oooo this is most certainly interesting, must keep reading. I can seriously picture this as an anime when I run the story through my head. XD

[M.A. Van Dyke]

Nice, I like this so far! I think I have time to read another chapter before work... Great first chapter!

[Aldora Sparrow]

Nice start, totally like an anime (which can be a good or bad thing).
my main suggestion is the punctuation of dialogue. I noticed that you put a period within the quotes and don't capitalize the next word outside like
"Oh no.” said the man impatiently.
it should be "Oh no,” said the man impatiently.
or
"Time to go.” she said grabbing his arm.
which should be
“Time to go,” she said grabbing his arm.
It's a very interesting start, but I'd like a little more show than tell, if that makes sense :) I look forward to reading the rest of this. Keep it up!

[Jessie Sianodel]

The first two paragraphs bring the reader out of the story, because it feels like a narrator is speaking. Also, why doesn't Zach just hand over the wallet? Why does he know better? It's just money right?

To me that didn't make sense.

Good start!