CHapter 2

writing from being high

I smoked the joint. I don't know if it worked or not. I smoked it. Did I inhale it right? I wish I had more so I can see. I wish I had more to smoke. I feel a little bit high. I have nothing to panic about. Aaron Dottle told me it gave him anxiety/panic. But there is just pure love in me. Pure love. Aaron Dottle is in heaven. He's an angel. I want to hear his voice again, listen to him singing, just see his beautiful face, hugging him, playing duets with him, me on violin and him on guitar. Then I'll teach him violin and he'll teach me guitar and we'll trade places. We'll watch a mimosa hostillis root bark plant grow, then we'll extract DMT from it, he'll teach me how to smoke DMT, and we'll blast off together. A beautiful thing. I'll take painting classes and voice lessons and I'll meet the girl that was in the art sharing movie dream she was in and the dream about smoking DMT with her, my roommate in heaven. I am a citizen of heaven. I am an angel. When I was human, I died in a mental hospital after someone pretending to God told me I had to accept the rot. I thought I was rotting and then I was exorcised and I went to lay down and was struck dead and woke up surprised. Later I transformed into an angel with God's help.

I'll smoke weed with Aaron. I'll learn from weed. Cannabis is beautiful. I'll write a novel about Aaron. Aaron and I will write together. I'll paint Aaron. I'll paint Damon. I'll take a swimming class, like I did when I was visiting heaven, and I'll be on DMT, and will feel peaceful as I meditate in the water. Other days I'll swim laps over and over again. I love the water. I've always been drawn to water. I was water for a thousand years. Now I'll live as Cali a billion years, then billion more billion years, and then forever.

I'll study the bible. I'll talk to God. I'll meet him face-to-face, and He will teach me. Ashley will go to heaven. She is another angel that is on earth. Ashley was always innocent and pure and now I look up to her. She helped me. She became an angel long before I became an angel, so someday I'll be that positive light that I told Ashley she had. I'll be more like an angel every day that I get by. Ashley and me will make bracelets together. We'll go to earth together. She'll be the aunt of my daughter when Damon and I have her. Ashley and Aaron were a lamp in my life, and now God is that lamp. 

I miss home.

I love God

I want to have visions and then paint what I saw. I saw a vision of God and His mother Mary or an angel. Then demons started coming into the vision.

I'll be a writer forever. Cannabis is a tool. It helps me write. Thank you for wherever my words are going to. Negative area in my life that is my relationship with my mom. I've always been on not too good terms with my mom's interactions with me. She is always judging me and telling me who to be and mocking the hair that grows on my chin when really I am just a masculine girl and she just doesn't understand: I'm a masculine soul. I was water for a thousand years and when I was water I was Daniel, when i was water i was a masculine soul. My soul is still masciline. I'm having...I forget what. I am a girl. Now I love being a girl and become feminine every now and then. I'm having realizations. I remembered I was going to write that because I came up with the same thing twice. So, I shall not fear, the Lord is my helper. I want to get away from my mom. me and her never truly got along and its sad, maybe someday I can go to family therapy with her and see how our relationshiop can improved.

That's all that fear that I used to have. And obviously still have. I will let go of my fear of death, God please take away all of my fear. It's happening. I'm panicking. But I'll stop and feel better later.