chapter 1

I am standing in a tree-house. A boy with short, light brown hair stands across from me.  He is looking up towards the heavens. I glance at him, then I look up. I look at him again: he is peaceful. His heart is radiating love, complete, unconditional love. He is thinking silently. We are both on DMT. An older, yet remarkably young, man walks in. He stands next to the boy - he is, perhaps, the boy's father or uncle. He is there to protect us. The tree house starts spinning, and there is a Kennywood sign in the distance. None of us are scared. It just is, and we are joyous. It spins and spins and spins.

Then I wake up, and the boy is gone. His father is gone. I want to meet them. God, were they real? I ask. I don't get a clear answer. I get an answer, I'm just not sure whether or not that answer came from God or my subconsciousness. He's Aaron Dottle's roommate in heaven. The father? Or uncle? I don't know.

I am laying down, my head is on my pilow. I try to savor the memory of the dream. Put it into my memory, remember what he looked like. I don't know his name. I stop thinking about Aaron's roommate - who I will meet someday - and shut my eyelids.

I am sitting in a room with a fireplace. There are tables with chairs. Couches. We are sitting discussing the Bible. It's one of those Upper Room dreams, the ones that make me want to go back to Pittsburgh and have fellowship with the Upper Room. I love them dearly...Jenna, Mike, Deirdre. We are all sitting together talking. There is complete honesty. None of us are judging. We are thinking about God, and Mike, the pastor, is teaching. We listen calmly, joyously. I ask them, "Have you seen Damon?" He is my soul-mate that I lost sight of, lost my chances with, but I know that, even though he pretends to hate me, he loves me as deeply as I love him. I gave away his secret. I can't tell you what it is. I hear, "He always asks, 'Have you seen Cali?'" and that makes me happy. Then I look down at my Bible. I read the words on the page. Do not be decieved: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galations 6:7-10 I look up from my green leather Bible. We discuss. I think, 'I'll never give up on Damon.' Then I see Damon outside of the window. He is looking in and the window is open. I stand up and jump out the window and Damon starts running. I am running after him, hearing And I'll be by your side, wherever you fall in the dead of night, whenever you call and please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you. Suddenly the running is all there is: me and Damon, in heaven, running and running. We don't stop. Our feet silently touch the fresh green grass.

I open my eyes slowly. I'm back in my bed, and Damon is nowhere to be found. I remember hearing Tenth Avenue North. I want to be by Damon's side, I think. And I know that God is by Damon's side. I think, I hope Damon becomes Christian before he dies. I don't want him to go to Hell. I know he will get out and I will see him. I'll wait by his bed. I'll watch him sleep. And when he opens his eyelids, he'll finally stop dreaming. I'll stay awake. We'll stay up all night talking, as if we were communicating telepathically.

We were. I know it, because he stabbed me, and I woke up. He read my mind. He told me, 'If you're right, I'm happy.' And I know that someday, he will love God as much as I do.