Color Me Shocked!

Random Thoughts

So it has just recently been brought to my attention that someone actually reads this crap (?!)... so I guess I need to write something worth reading eh? In case anyone cares, this is how I have been feeling:

Everything is shocking to me lately. And all of the door handles seem to be made of metal. It has come to the point that my heart has grown weary of the sudden jolts; even though I expect them every time. It has come to the point that I pause a moment at every door I need to open, and then sigh, because I know it is going to sting, every time. The only thing that changes is the degree - from atiny tingle to avolt of agony. And I am wearing rubber-soled shoes. I thought rubber souls didn’t conduct electricity.

I never thought that something so unnerving could ever become so mundane, but it has. Like a minuscule dose of ritualistic torture everyday. And this is not like my usual self-induced roller coaster: prop myself up, knock myself down… and so on. Not the usual internal anxiety and resultant self-medication. My evening martini doesn’t prevent or abate this aggravated assault of thesenses. This is different, outside myself. Like fate or destiny playing a daily prank - just to remind me of how powerless I really am.

© 2006