A little bit about me

Something a little different

My name is Brandon S Jursich I usually choose to disassociate myself from my middle name because it is the name of my father who chose to forget about me and enjoy his new family. By all means if he found happiness after being miserable and alone for so many years than he should savor it, that doesn't mean that I'm not still feeling hurt. I should feel some kind of pride for surviving my heroin addiction and not jumping in traffic like I wanted to so many times, I cant escape the horrible memories that cling onto me on most nights that my thoughts keep me awake. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression that I take medications for but sometimes I still feel like I'm in a corner with no escape route. I have lots of strength in my body as I am still youthful and in my mid 20's , I tend to spend most of my days working out as much as I can before the motivation goes out the window, I am currently unemployed because I lack the mental tenacity and feel incapable of handling a s****y job. Without any transportation for myself I am limited to finding local employment that is scarce and rarely without issues of plenty, so alas I spend my days thinking my brain into exhaustion. I have ruined a lot of friendships and relationships alike in my drug induced crusade for everlasting companionship in my empty void of a heart , after my release from my third rehab tour (and heroin) I have maintained a mostly peaceful drug free but not alcohol free lifestyle. I lived most of my prior to the present years on the street and find it hard to communicate properly with others at times, I give a lot of unnecessary tough love to people around me sometimes because I feel as though I have to keep anyone new I meet from suffering the same fate as myself. I wish I could find a purpose for it all, I wish I could reach out to old friends and new friends better so I don't have to constantly feel so alone. Sometimes I miss my father and I tend to question my faith in god as all seemingly broken people do, I found myself saying things like "If there is such a thing as a God than why would it choose to have me finally gain my fathers acceptance and than have it taken away". If you are reading this than I want to make it perfectly clear that I will never need anyone's acceptance but my own , but after never really knowing my father to show anything but emotionless exterior most of the time it felt good to see him open up emotionally to his kids for once in his life. Well I hope you have enjoyed this little peak into my past put into a different perspective format than my usually focused works, Farewell for now my friends until the cold grasp of depression steers me away from the wall for a change.

Author's Note

Forgive any grammatical errors, I am not feeling myself lately