Entering an Unknown Domain

 

I do not know the name as I enter this domain.

The walls of stone seeping with blood.

My heart gives a tremendous tug.

The lump in my throat. Swells like it is going to explode.

How did I get here. What is my reasons for this game.

All I wanted was to fit in and not be ashamed.

Fear, oh the fear. I hate the taste .

It brings me near to the hell I do not want to see.

But to prove I am a member of this popular team.

I entered this realm to show I fit in.

But thinking twice I should have spent the evening doing something else.

The growls are loud and cries rip through my ears.

I do not know if I will make it through here.

Oh damn! Did I see that? Something went by, I think it was a bat.

I just want to close my eyes and run. But Tommy says "No this is fun".

Hahahaha I know fun. This is hell and I want a refund.

I follow the halls and as they curve.

The lights blink on and off causing me to swerve.

I feel dizzy and sick.

Something jumps from behind and grabs my left arm and attacks.

I yank free yelling with a fierce scream.

"Let go of me!!!"

I never look back but take off in a full run.

Passing everyone else and then bang It sounds like a gun.

Popping my ears. Spinning my head.

I take a dive and slide across the dusty floor

Feeling as if I would not live any more.

I jump up never turning my head.

I see an exit sign in red.

I dash for the door hearing screaming galore.

My heart is pounding the sweat is running down my face.

I hit that door without any grace. Bashing out and jumping free.

I fall on the ground and look up at my friends standing by a big old oak tree.

Laughing and Pointing at me.

"It was only a haunted house, dummy."

Gees I feel like a mouse.

But I do not care.

I did not want to go in that house.

I wanted to do something else.

Angellesa

Reviews

[ScaryTrees]

I like the subject and I got what you were trying to say
I think you need to evoke more with your imagery
It's hard to get emotionally involved as it reads like a list
Forget the rhyme and cut out the extra wordiness
Get more visceral
Let the reader feel your terror and disorientation
You weren't listing this in your head as you experienced it, Right?

I hope I don't come across as a jerk
Just trying to help :)