Days Of The Evaporated Veil

The first installation to the short story series.

Days of The Evaporated Veil

“...Reports show the curse has stricken us all yet again. It is unverified as of yet but it is logical. Whether it is truth or not I will say what I need to say now. As the negative energies settle in our region, as the leaves die, and the air loses it's warmth, the vicious and the predatory of the world are going to return to walk the cold, dark seasons of the world again. They have been witnessed reacquainting with life by ways of raising from the dirt, breaking free from their condemned homes, disconnecting from walls or sentimental items, reconstructing from their ashes, and migrating from the deep depths of the woods. Each of them appear human but all have different appearances, different forms. Be warned. They have surprised us when we couldn't notice, when we weren't knowledgeable enough to recognize them, and they have taken many of ours for their own. These things have made a jungle gym out of our lives, tormenting us, stripping from us our happy holiday seasons for years. Now as we notice more and more incidents a year where we can't go out at night without waking up with bites in our skin, or limbs missing. It's now we see that they are un-ignorable. I'm saying this now. Keep ears and eyes open. Take no risks.

Our impending doom is so sad it's actually quite comical if you stop and dig up your dead sense of humor from the soil of that cemetery right by that dark forest, preceding all of those condemned homes. The time of the holiday seasons becomes something even more to fear each year that these ill beings grow, arriving, and leaving increasingly more in number. We have allowed them to breed too many. They may soon consume us, which begs the question. 'who are we to bring children into this world so corrupted with the stench of such monstrosities, when we cannot even stop the production of the monsters beforehand?” I looked at the bureau records. When I did, I laughed. Child birth rates have lowered a very tiny bit, but have not ceased when it is clear our human extinction is imminent. How are we creating babies, defenseless babies when even in the absence of the undead we dread them, we fear them, we become paralyzed at the sight of their draining, parasitic presence. Does an increase in child birth mean we want to fight, that we want to over come them? I would hope so. This is a serious matter to anyone who understands these crazed things are not a myth.

While on the subject, I have to remind everyone - Anyone who's experienced encounters with these vile beings and claim they have been swell have to be, must be, extremely mentally ill. They must be no better than these abominations themselves. Get them checked out or put a bullet in their head yourselves. I warn all, to be very cautious through out these upcoming days. Load your guns, stock your food, take care of your families and trust no one. We have to beat, or at least try to beat what our world's scientists are referring to, as the Dissipated Days. October 31^st, be very prepared. I warn all, be ready, and please if you are not halting the supply of their food source, take it upon yourselves to bring down a few. Don't be a dumb mortal. Avery Colton out.”

The podcast ended, and a tune of warning music the filled the air thick with urgency. There at my desk, with my boots resting on the Redwood finish I had given that special podcast a few moments of contemplation. A sip from the tall glass of dark liquor rum I was holding at that time made no difference in my fear. I concealed it for the sake of my sanity.

After taking a half a minute, I set the glass down, turned off the phone as a commercial concluded the announcement, and I raised from my seat. In my desk, underneath all of the papers, all of the safe kept records of useless government files, I had hidden a box. In that box was the weapon I'd be carrying to fight. I checked, counted the bullets. Ole' Smith and Wesson: check. I then took a look over at my wall by the window. Remington, also check.

By the end of that informative podcast I anticipated the 31^st, only 6 days away. I made a mental note of the red and orange leaves, visible in the light of the sun as they swiped and tapped with the branches swaying against my window. Day light would soon be, if it wasn't already, the only safe time of day. Each night from the veil thinning days and out, I was going to spend guarding my door, I would miss the summer, plead for the spring. The beautiful time when the night was to be enjoyed, but this year no mistakes were to be made. I was not going to risk it.

Author's Note

Comment anything about it. I like to talk.

Reviews

[Jack Wolfe]

Now as we notice more and more incidents a year where we can't go out at night without waking up with bites in our skin, or limbs missing.

Add a comma after ‘Now’ for emphasis. The line is a bit bloated and clustered, perhaps try breaking it in two, or condense phrasing, e.g. Now, as we notice more incidents each year, we can’t stray out at night, for fear of waking up with bite-marks or limbs missing. (The ending of the line is a bit contradictory, if you’re going out, you’re not waking up; both can’t happen in the same instance.)

Maybe, something along the lines of: We lock our doors and windows due to fear of the night, lest we awake with bite-marks or missing limbs.

It's now we see that they are un-ignorable. I'm saying this now. Keep ears and eyes open. Take no risks.
It’s now we see the irrefutable. (gets rid of ‘That’s and ‘un-ignorable’)

Keep ‘your’ eyes and ears open, and take no risk. (Make sure you have a subject in your sentences to avoid fragments.)

We have allowed them to breed (too many). They may soon consume us, which begs the question. (comma) 'who are we to bring children into this world (?) (it’s) so corrupted with the stench of (such) monstrosities, (when) we cannot (even) stop the production of the monsters beforehand?”

We have allowed them to breed. They may soon consume us, which begs the question, “who are we to bring children into this world? It’s corrupted with the stench of monstrosities, and we cannot stop the productions of these beasts (creatures, or other synonym) beforehand.

The podcast ended, and a tune of warning music the filled the air thick with urgency.

Indicate this is a podcast or radio transmission early on.

Warning and music don’t go together, perhaps: and a shrill warning blare emitted. It filled the air with urgency.

A very intriguing prologue to a short-story collection, based on the descriptions, I imagine will be seeing everything from zombies to Vampires, perhaps, other mythological frights forgotten by today’s genres. I like you set up. It’s a bit World War Z, Walking Dead, a survivor’s journal; except, this time the survivor’s ready for it. I’m intrigued and look forward to reading future installments. There are a few minor issues, which I pointed out above, and mind you, they’re suggestions. Overall entertaining and fun read. Thank you.

[Reina Stone]

Your input is helpful. I often struggle with what words are needed to make the sentence pop out better than what I've produced. Grammar is definitely not yet a strong suit of mine. With your examples though I will be able to better myself in that area, so I sincerely appreciate that.

When I said warning music, I think I had that "News" kind of storm warning music that plays during the time up to when a hurricane is supposed to hit. Blaring alarms sound better though, more urgent.

I value your advice. Thanks again for taking a look and letting me know what you think. I feel not only encouraged to make the necessary improvements but motivated to continue on with the story and hopefully have it out before next Halloween.

[CommandoDolphin]

Any flaws in your writing were drowned out by the absolutely beautiful story you've placed before me. In your other comment I noticed you said that you wished to make a series of stories. PLEASE DO. It is skilled writers like you that give me such a respect for world building and inspire me for it in times of brilliance. Please contact me if you write anymore, I'd love to read it.
*I've been writing eerie stories myself and would love if someone like you would read and review at least one of them. Thanks very much for sharing your work. :)

[Reina Stone]

Commando. Your review has me grinning from ear to ear. The series is a work in process and will be approached with vigor knowing that it is enjoyed by you and any other readers taking a peak. I'll be in touch and will take a look at all you have as soon as possible. Thank you for taking the time for reviewing! I will return the favor.

[Shawnee Rose]

Is this a story about Zombies? Or just a story about the supernatural in general?

I really enjoyed this. It's certainly interesting and a different take on horror. I've never read a story that starts out as a podcast. I like it.

I did notice "...and a tune of warning music the filled the air..." i don't know if the "the" in that sentence was accidental, or if you meant to say "then".

[Reina Stone]

Hello there. I have planned for this idea to pan out into a series of stories, combining creatures of all supernatural beings and stuffing them into the same plot line. There'll be a mention of Vampires, Ghosts, Shadow Creatures, and any others that I can think of. The next installment that I have written 2/3 of already will be the introduction of the vampire segment of the plot.

I am very happy to hear you enjoyed it. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Now that I know I've avoided the cliché with the beginning I am even more motivated to finish it. & That typo will be fixed immediately.