Prisoner of Time

Just something I tried to convey, but didnt work out like I wanted it to fully, but here is a rough idea

 

Prisoner of Time

By Angel Croitor

 

Since birth, we are shackled into chains by Time,

And shoved down life’s unforgiving unstable road.

As time drags us along this wretched road, we learn to walk,

Our parents celebrate the simple values of their child learning to walk,

Yet no one seems to notice that the child has begun to walk,

Down a long and uneasy road.

 

Seeds of Memories are planted into the soil of moments,

The further we are forced down the road of life,

The harder it is to see the plant of a memory,

Until we forget what we already have sown.

 

Memories, the happier they are, the taller they grow,

And no matter how far we go down life’s road,

We can still see what beanstalk it has become.

 

Family, the prisoners we love to keep us company,

Staggering along with us down life’s road.

Every single one of us is dressed in gray,

For time sees us all equal, with no unique features.

 

Time teaches you, to forgive, to forget,

Yet we as stubborn humans, choose to fool time,

Into believing we forgave and forgot,

But leaving behind tiny bad seedlings of hate.

 

Memory lane, just a garden we stroll by every now and then,

Visiting the old crops we have sown.

 

The moment I die, is the moment I fall onto the soil,

Become a rich and plentiful oak tree,

For all the loved ones I left behind,

So they can be reminded of me, and plant their seeds further along their road.

 

                                     But for now, I’ll remain a prisoner of time.

Author's Note

review please

Reviews

[Lisa]

Whoa! This is a very deep poem! I really REALLY like it! It kind of reminded me of the story behind the song Unforgiven by Metallica. I especially loved how you used the beanstalk for describing memories. I can relate a lot to this poem because I agree that we have to say we forgive, but in all we never really forget. It's also cool how you started with birth and ended with death. As far as critique I would say that you used the word "walk" too many times at the beginning. Other than that it was good. Poems shouldn't always have to rhyme because basically, they all don't and if all poems rhymed that would be pretty boring. As long as the story has a good flow while being read, it should be ok. Overall its a great poem. Good work!

[Wolfhilde]

very nice written. it is deep and emotional. I liked it a lot! :)

[Nicole Hellene]

User specifically asked me for a review, so here goes nothing.

I don't like poetry in general so I can't say I necessarily liked it. It was long, and repetitive. It didn't rhyme, it didn't have much meter, and seemed like a general lament on life and the human condition. I know its tempting to write about that, but its been done to the point of cliche (we all know life sucks). The problem is that this is freeverse, and in poetry, every word in a poem has to be the absolute best word possible and use the fewest lines possible.

I'm sorry, I just don't like poetry. I've only got one poem on my page and it was an experiment. Post up some of your stories if you have any, I'll review those with a little more know-how.