Letting Go

Sometimes, letting go is one of the hardest thing in the world to do. But what if it's impossible for some of us?

  She couldn’t help but smile. Couldn’t help feeling her heart squeeze in pain. She knew she loved him, but she also loved him enough to let him go.

  Yes, it hurt. Yes, she could feel her heart breaking. However, she knew what needed to be done. What she needed to do, if not for him then at least for her self.

  She needed to let him go. She couldn’t pine after him longer, couldn’t love him anymore. It hurt too much, the wound was too deep, the pain too great. She needed to heal, or at least attempt to, and she couldn’t do that if she still felt the way she did about him.

  So she stood there and smiled, watched as he practically glowed in happiness. Her heart clenched, and she felt the smile on her face become forced. She was letting him go, and yet…

  How could she forget the promises he’d made her? Forget the time she’d been the one, been the reason for his smile. When she had been the one to hold him in her arms; whether it be after a night of sorrow or an evening of passionate loving. Their past…

  Was just that, the past. Holding onto something hurt, but holding onto nothing? Why did she subject herself to such pain?

  ‘Because I love him.’ She thought to herself bitterly. ‘Because even though I want his happiness, I wanted to be selfish, I wanted to keep him to myself, even though I knew that was completely impossible…’ She couldn’t help but smile sadly to herself.

  But she wouldn’t anymore. She couldn’t anymore. He was happy now. That was all that mattered to her: his happiness. Even if it meant not having hers.

  So she continued to smile, continued be happy for him. Continued to slowly break inside and attempt to put herself back together. But once she heard that his new world, his love was pregnant. Once she’d seen both of them glowing with excitement and happiness she knew she couldn’t stop, couldn’t really let him go. Then it hit her, what really needed to be done. The only way she could ever let him really go.

 

  He mourned her death greatly. He was kneeling at her open coffin and let the tears flow freely down his cheeks.

  Why had she done this? Why had she killed herself? She had appeared as if nothing was wrong, like everything was perfectly okay. Yet when he had seen her suicide note, he could see the words in his head, “I had to let go. -Helina”

  His wife had stayed home instead of attending with him. She’d never liked Helina, so he’d done as she wished and had stayed away from her, avoided her even at some times. Because he knew if he spent time with her, he wouldn’t be able to stay away from his friend.

  It was the biggest regret of his life. No one could possibly understand his agony at this he was moment. She was gone, forever. There was no way he could possibly fix his transgressions. No way to even apologize for what he’d done. She was no longer of this mortal world.

  On the other side of her suicide note she had left a will of sorts. It had stated that he was to be given her journal. For what purpose he did not know, nor had the letter stated. He was curious like any other, about what was in the journal, but if he could choose, he would not have found out this way.

  At the end of the service Helina’s best friend handed him a small book that looked very old and delicate. He wondered just how much had been written in it, till he’d looked into her the eyes of the woman who had handed it to him. He flinched at the hate filled look in her eyes.

  He didn’t know then, why such a look was directed at him. But he later found out. He deserved no forgiveness whatsoever. But what she said next, what she had screamed at him in her sorrow, it would forever be branded in his mind.

  “This is all your fault! You b*****d! She’s gone because of YOU! You did this to her! It’s all your fault!” she shouted at him as she began to break down in her despair, weeping as her brother led her away.

  His head reeled with shock at what she had screamed at him. His fault? How had Helina’s death been his fault? He wanted to call her friend back over to him, but he was unable to remember her name. Perhaps it was better that way. Perhaps not.

  Turning he walked back to her coffin, and his eyes looked over her cold stiff form. It was almost impossible to remember her as the lively vibrant young woman she had once been, before all this.

  But fate had been cruel to him, and she was gone. He knew he’d miss her greatly. His stomach tightened as he laid a gentle kiss upon her forehead.

  He walked away after that, not once turning back to look at her again. He couldn’t, because he knew if he did, he’d never be able to leave.

 

  As he sat in bed that night, his wife already asleep beside him, he silently pulled out the journal. His hands shook as he flipped to the first page. He began to read, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Though as his eyes began to slowly read the words he found his eyes glued to the page, unable to stop from reading.

  When he finally finished the sun was about to come up. Dawn was beginning to break forth. Tears were once again, trailing down his face; though he was careful to make sure none of them landed on the book he held within his hands.

  He had just spent the night reliving the past two years. Though this time, he had seen it through her eyes. Every thought she’d had through out the day he had thought, and every feeling she felt, he had felt within him as well.

  Helina’s friend was right. It was his fault. She truly was gone because of him.

  Trying to wipe the tears away he noticed something in the pocket of the journal. He pulled it out slowly then almost dropped it in shock. It was a letter, address to him from her. He was trembling. What could it possibly be? Her anguished feelings to increase his guilt maybe? Or a tear streaked letter filled with her bitter emotions towards him.

  As he tore open the envelope, he felt his heart clench. Did he really want to read something like this? His eyes read over her smooth cursive carefully and slowly as if attempting to memorize the words and how she’d written the first time around. What it had said, it had made the tears come again, harder and faster than they’d been before. The dam that had been holding back all of his emotions had broken.

  He’d never forget her last words to him. In fact, he treasured them greatly. Took them with him wherever he went. The letter had said: ‘Even in death I can’t help but love you Gabriel. Be happy. And don’t feel guilty. " Helina’.

Reviews

[Kon™]

This was created beautifully with a sorrowful plot. But it kept me hooked, with the different personas, the woman first, and then the man. And I really loved the ending, it tied everything together and left a satisfying ending. Great description, flow, everything... keep it up! Amazing piece.

[Emily Quinn]

a great yet tragic story line, the ending is nice because it seems to bring some sort of release to your second MC and closure to the whole situation. I do however feel a wider variety of descriptions could enhance the intensity that much more. I felt it difficult to become absorbed into it because of seemingly repetitive sentences; throughout the first half you basically talk about her sorrow in loving a man whom she had no claim over but you didnt develop further on the descriptions/used pretty much the same descriptions only with a few different words of choice which almost put a limit on the connection and sympathy the readers could have for the first MC. maybe if you added in some descriptions other then the emotional (such as where MC 1 is while thinking about her past love, the scenery, smells, etc or about the funeral for MC 2) it may help by evening out the emotional description seeing as thats basically the only kind of description we get. A good edit could do wonders for this as there are a few minor gramatical and spelling errors but nothing too destracting. However, I did enjoy reading this I can see the emotion you are trying to make the reader feel, but perhaps you are trying too hard? great job though, really. I see the potential and thought you created a wonderful piece :)