Only wet matches left

 

 

This was an emergency, and his cold opinion just stated, he could shove it wherever he'd like. This time I was not gonna budge. How I could ever fall for such a dumb idiot? I don't understand any longer. The scales fell from my eyes, and I finally see the true persona! He wasn't at all who I always believed him to be - my hero! Parents and friends, time after time, warned me - but I wouldn't listen - he was my adonis, I worshipped him like a god, sitting on his high horse, ... and me at his feet.. on my knees even... his devoted slave... a sarcastic smirk escapes me, if it wasn't that utterly sad I would laugh. Forever eager to take, but never to give the slightest thing back. My feelings, any longer aren't his - I've taken them back without him even noticing. Let's see how long you'll stand high up on that pedestal, when your slave quits to service your every wish and whim, and the used dishes pile, dirty clothes gain the upper hand, your toilet stains more and more, and sheets won't change on their own... ---But, whichever your solution, be sure of one thing - you'll never again have matches big enough to rekindle THIS flame!

Author's Note

I wrote this for a challenge. I'd appreciate constructive critic. Thanks.

Reviews

[CountNicholasAlti]

I enjoyed this, it was emotional and there was clearly fuel behind it. I suggest leaving it in this format, traditional formats just wouldn't cut it; wise choice to present it like this. It was well written, but there are some meager wordings thrown in, such as "dumb idiot," which although is something that would be said verbally, it just comes off as redundant and not very powerful. Also, for the ranting at the end, I think it would be better suited to go into something deep that this person would be missing out on, rather than trivial issues such as clothes and sheets. Otherwise, it gets the point across very clearly.

[Budd Black]

it is good but you should format it differently. I realize that it is a rant and would flow like this in spoken word, but when reading it, it just looks clumped together. I would put it in couplets.

[shadow night]

you have a good line of thought. you show more than the good side... i belive your work is good and should keep it up. . . normaly im not but i am a fan of your work. bravo.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Love maybe blind but eventually it gains sight... love the last line... very spunky.