I miss my old self!
I miss who I really am
deep down within me
The one I fail to be,
and to show
since all too long now
Don't know if I'll ever
find it again
I probably buried
myself too deep down
within my soul
So there will perhaps
be not time enough
in this lifetime to
dig deep enough to
find at least a piece
of it
Who knows what I'd
find along my way
of digging?
I suppose I'd need to
dig through a lot of
new and old memories.
A painful and hurtful
part it can be
at some places
Also wonderful moments
I'd be lucky to rejoice
in again for sure
Which will make me
smile and happy,
and then sad for they
are over and never
to come back
Where am I?
What can I do to find
myself again?
Should I print out
my portrait on a
'Wanted' form, and
stick it on every
detail within me?
Perhaps there'd be a
soul somewhere deep
down who will recognise
itself and shout out
to me
"Listen, you found me! -
Your lost self! -
Here I am! - Happy you
found me in this turmoil!
Want me to come back?!?"
What then? What am I
to do then?
Should I open up
to its return?
Should I gratefully
accept its offer, and
risk it to disturb my
already somewhat lost
inner peace?
Or could it eventually
settle down my troubled
being?
Although - I have a lot
of time to think about
the right choice to make
There's a long road
to travel to perhaps,
with lots of luck
stumble upon my self one day!
First off, I must compliment you on your first line. "I miss my old self" immediately made me think of "I celebrate myself" (the first line of Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself"), which was a really nice touch. It's very poignant and true - I think we all hope to "stumble upon our selves one day." The use of simple language really helps to get your point across, too - I like that you didn't do anything too elaborate.
I do have two critiques, however: The first quarter of your poem lacks punctuation, and thus it makes it hard to read an decipher. It also makes it feel a little juvenile since you start inserting punctuation later. I like the lost, broken feel in the first few stanzas, but you should recognize that that style is rather confusing for your reader, so you may want to help us out by giving us a few road signs in the form of commas and periods :-) Also, the line breaks seems a bit random at points. Sometimes it looks like you break up a line just for the sake of having it be in congruence with the lengths of the other lines, and that's a little odd. You might want to rework your line breaks for this reason.
Well done - you did a good job expressing a deep, metaphysical concept.
Somewhere along the line I think we all feel we have lost ourselves. Thank you for writing this so well and putting it out there. So easy to relate to, not over done.
good but it didnt really stand out to me i mean its good but there are some that are a little better...don't be sad calse this was a really good one...............................................
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My awareness to myself has been a long journey. I like in this poem you are searching. Truth will always set you free. Stumble upon yourself one day... I really like this line and it is so true. Keep up the good work.
Stumble upon yourself one day...what a great line! I think most lose themselves at times, but usually stumble upon themselves eventually. What you are saying is very pertinent in todays world, people don't realise that self-esteem can...and should be taken back at will.
I think I would bring stanzas into this and extend sentences a little...just a suggestion that I feel would give greater impact of your text content...
Cheers,
Helen :-)
What a fresh approach here. Your poem is so true and original. We may miss other people in a different way entirely. Missing ourselves and exploring possibilities to return to our roots along with what what made us so special in the first place are priorities to embrace. A lovely poem! All the best in the contest.
WOW!! A perfect representation of inner confusion regarding one's real identity.
This poem has a beautiful start which captures the reader's attention. The rest of the poem flows beautifully as you fill in the minutest detail about finding yourself and your confusion as to what you'll do when you DO find the real you.
It's something many can relate to as in today's world, it's very hard to remain our true self. We often pretend and fake just to be accpeted by the society but in this way we completely forget ourselves.
You took me on a journey where I tried finding myself in your lines which are so beautifully written
I enjoyed it very much. You're really great at writing, you know....and also reviewing...lolz
EXCELLENT!!..... (^_^)
First off, I must compliment you on your first line. "I miss my old self" immediately made me think of "I celebrate myself" (the first line of Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself"), which was a really nice touch. It's very poignant and true - I think we all hope to "stumble upon our selves one day." The use of simple language really helps to get your point across, too - I like that you didn't do anything too elaborate.
I do have two critiques, however: The first quarter of your poem lacks punctuation, and thus it makes it hard to read an decipher. It also makes it feel a little juvenile since you start inserting punctuation later. I like the lost, broken feel in the first few stanzas, but you should recognize that that style is rather confusing for your reader, so you may want to help us out by giving us a few road signs in the form of commas and periods :-) Also, the line breaks seems a bit random at points. Sometimes it looks like you break up a line just for the sake of having it be in congruence with the lengths of the other lines, and that's a little odd. You might want to rework your line breaks for this reason.
Well done - you did a good job expressing a deep, metaphysical concept.
This is exactly how I feel lately! It's like you wrote my own thoughts done! Thank you for sharing, because I just saw that I am not the only one feeling this way.