I miss myself!

random thoughts ...

 

I miss my old self!
I miss who I really am
deep down within me
The one I fail to be,
and to show
since all too long now
Don't know if I'll ever
find it again
I probably buried
myself too deep down
within my soul
So there will perhaps
be not time enough
in this lifetime  to
dig deep enough to
find at least a piece
of it
Who knows what I'd
find along my way
of digging?
I suppose I'd need to
dig through a lot of
new and old memories.
A painful and hurtful
part it can be
at some places
Also wonderful moments
I'd be lucky to rejoice
in again for sure
Which will make me
smile and happy,
and then sad for they
are over and never
to come back
Where am I?
What can I do to find
myself again?
Should I print out
my portrait on a
'Wanted' form, and
stick it on every 
detail within me?
Perhaps there'd be a
soul somewhere deep
down who will recognise
itself and shout out
to me
"Listen, you found me! -
Your lost self! -
Here I am! - Happy you
found me in this turmoil!
Want me to come back?!?"
What then? What am I
to do then?
Should I open up
to its return?
Should I gratefully
accept its offer, and
risk it to disturb my
already somewhat lost
inner peace?
Or could it eventually
settle down my troubled
being?
Although - I have a lot
of time to think about
the right choice to make
There's a long road

to travel to perhaps,
with lots of luck
stumble upon my self one day!

 

 

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

First off, I must compliment you on your first line. "I miss my old self" immediately made me think of "I celebrate myself" (the first line of Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself"), which was a really nice touch. It's very poignant and true - I think we all hope to "stumble upon our selves one day." The use of simple language really helps to get your point across, too - I like that you didn't do anything too elaborate.

I do have two critiques, however: The first quarter of your poem lacks punctuation, and thus it makes it hard to read an decipher. It also makes it feel a little juvenile since you start inserting punctuation later. I like the lost, broken feel in the first few stanzas, but you should recognize that that style is rather confusing for your reader, so you may want to help us out by giving us a few road signs in the form of commas and periods :-) Also, the line breaks seems a bit random at points. Sometimes it looks like you break up a line just for the sake of having it be in congruence with the lengths of the other lines, and that's a little odd. You might want to rework your line breaks for this reason.

Well done - you did a good job expressing a deep, metaphysical concept.

[Phoenix]

This was kind of intense. I would suggest organizing it, maybe making it rhyme, but that may ruin the whole feeling of it sounding like thoughts that sprang up. Very interesting.

[Vesa Lee]

I like it.
As I read, I feel like I've entered into a private conversation with yourself.
Trying to find the answer, trying to find yourself.
Compelling.
The only thing I would consider working on is the over all flow.
Either way though it's a piece to be proud of.

[Brittany]

I really enjoy the thoughtfulness of this one. It is very sweet and sincere, and not lacking truth in any way, shape, or form. I was a tee bit confused on the structure, where you initiate commas for pauses in some lines, and leave them completely out in others, giving a feel of a run on sentence. Which can be very effective in some pieces, but maybe omit the commas or insert more?

All in all this was a very pleasurable read, and I thank you for this submission.

[The DuchessPoet]

Thank you for entering my contest!
Your review from Emily Rose has some very interesting suggestions!

[poetic soul]

this a splendid poem.......... i really can relate to this one.........

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

You've penned my thoughts. How I also "miss my old self". Wish I could find her. A wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[~The Queen~]

Man aren't we all hoping to find the one us someday. Very well written. The reality put into words is very refreshing. Keep it up!!

-QueenofKings

P.S Could you do me a favour? Could you read the prologue in my book. I want to see how many people I can get hooked like I am, thanks. Have a wonderful day!!

[Rain]

This is absolutely my favorite style of writing. Poems like this speak to all of us, who have become lost along the way. I've often thought of your topic. I've concluded, what we lost was who we were at a certain point in time. That can never be recaptured. What's important is that you maintained the core of who you are. I've looked for me many years...I'm not sure I want to find the old me...times have changed. The old me would not like, nor survive the times we live in now. I loved this piece. Be you...You sound like a person worth knowing. Rain..

[[untitled]]

"Listen, you found me! -
Your lost self! -
Here I am! - Happy you
found me in this turmoil!
Want me to come back?!?"

Love these lines, i found this kinda cute really as well as so truthful, enjoyed the wisdom in it, very well written.

[Solst Rapture]

There is a wonderful world in these words. I could go on for ever about which bits I like and how to improve it, but rather than do that I want to experiment to see if you think the presentation and structure could help readers enjoy this poem. I'm talking about shape and sound. Hope you don't mind me playing with it as an example. Hopefully I'll give you some ideas. {I got to the end and had all sorts of ideas. This could be a great emotive piece if it was more generic. What I mean is, I want to ask these questions of myself, but sometimes avoid it because of the language - there's lots to consider here}

I miss my old self
I miss who I really am
deep down within me
the one I failed show
for all too long
the one I failed to be

I don't know if I'll ever find her again
I've buried her too deeply

There might not be enough time
to dig deep enough to find
even a piece of it

But I feel as though I should
at least try

What would I find along the way
digging through new and old
memories

A painful and hurtful place
it can be in some parts
and wonderful sometimes too

I want to rejoice in it again
to smile and be happy

My heart says I'll never truly find
you, these times are over
never to come back

Where am I?
Where are you?

Should I print out my portrait on a
'Wanted' form,
write myself on it in a thousand colours
Should I dare to hope
that a soul somewhere deep
will recognise itself and shout

"Listen, you found me,
your lost self, I'm here.

What then?
What am I to do then?
Should I open up to its return?
Should I gratefully accept its offer
and risk peace?

Maybe it is the key to settling
down my troubled being.

There's a long road ahead
to travel and perhaps
with lots of luck
I'll stumble upon my self one day,
again.