I love the idea of this. I also like how you used the same basic beginning line in each stanza, it connects everything nicely. I agree with Rosary, though, I feel like something is missing. I don't know how you feel about constructive criticism, some people get offended when others try to help...but if you would like I think I could help you make this a little smoother. If you'd like. If you love this the way it is, then pay no mind to my criticism. I know a lot of times I pick certain things a certain way and other people don't like it. I think it's a wonderful poem and the idea is original, so don't think it's not a good piece. You did a damn good job...good luck in the contest! =)
Es ist eine se Idee, ein Gedicht im Konjunktiv zu schreiben, ich glaube, ich las mal so was hnliches, ich meine, vom Konzept her hnlich, von Hans Krupa, einer meiner Lieblingsdichter by the way....ich kann dieses deine Gedicht nicht genug empfehlen, weil es zu den Gedichten gehrt, in welchen.... ein Moment um Bewusstwerdung ringt aber nicht bettelt, und sein eigenes Gesicht zu zeichnen versucht...Is is ein Ideal der Persnlichkeit wie man sich selbst sehen will und es spiegelt die Naturverbundenheit, Harmonie der Dinge um dich herum....spielerisch-trumerisch hast du hier all die dir wichtigen Elemente dargestellt. Ich liebte es in seiner Unschuld und Einfachheit, schon weil die Wnsche so altruistisch erscheien. 6 Sterne.
A lovely idea, especially as they are my three favourite languages - I sing Scubert, always in German - and I am at one with the sentiments of your poem. Having some knowledge of German and French, I must confess to having no studied knowledge of Spanish yet love to read poetry in Spanish - Pablo Neruda, especially. It logically comes into English quite easily though of course the reverse is quite a different matter. Thank you,
Another beautiful piece! The consistency was simply marvelous. I love how you set each stanza up: "Would I be ____ / I would be," and continued on. You had simply beautiful flow from stanza to stanza. Your words were perfect for the subject that you chose. This piece was easy to read and very easy to enjoy, with nothing complicated to try to interpret. You are an amazingly talented writer.