Shake...

A hat tilt to passing...

As the eyes roll back...
A chaser of wine, one last rhyme.
As the eyes roll back...
Hope fleets the gasp of breath, life so compelling, intimacy of judgment, faceless operations of a dying dynamic.
As the eyes roll back...
Best kept to a word, shallow throat deep, decided decisions on an aftermath, trust of just on lingering lust, romantic..
As the eyes roll back...
Was as secure, obscure dementia, detention without oppression, a miscarriage of existence bled out.
As the eyes roll back...
That shadow.
Peace.
- darkening the iris -

Author's Note

I'm not to confident about this piece...pleas let me know what you think

Reviews

[Hearthis]

I would say overall the mood and tone is stable and consistent, which is good. The repetition of "as the eyes roll back" emphasizes or illustrates the continuous cycle or frequency of what I believe is implied to be death.
The diction is fine. Each word contributes to the overall mood well. However--and I could be wrong--it sounds as though such words were strung together without too much consideration. For example, I am confused what "shallow throat deep" implies to.
It is not bad, but I am also struggling to find what the theme of this poem is.

[Andy Lewis]

I see how you may get hung up(like I said not my beat piece)...but, "sshallow throat deep" is hand with the first statement "best kept to a word" as in- you're surrounded by loved ones at that particular moment but you're passing and weak so its a thought to how best to express "goodbye" or any other final thought "best kept to a word"(not wanting to say to much) "shallow throat deep" (A weak spoken expression) hope that helps clear things a little bit ....thanks for rreading...I'm reading one of your plays now I'll let you know when I finish...

[Cool Girl]

I loved this! It's just so good! I love the repetition and the part about peace :)

[Jamestown]

Fantastic writing, killer flow, repetition great, awesome message, all of it down
right great, be proud of this piece