The Uninnocent

A touching fate...

Ailments of a shattered mind, my abortions of past memories conclude me.
Desperate now I gaze into the intolerable void of secluded guilt, my head buzzing, my gut churning. That past, that memory its just a breath, a for told expression of harmful regrets. Hell now, that's what will follow this play. A chess game of pens a knives, scuddled up in my ribcage like a hot iron. I'll drink this last shot of poison before I go, this last taste of death...
I can only bare witness to a handful of good deeds and brief moments of imposed kindness. I'm planning on hanging it all here after this last sun sets, let it air out with the stench of this rotting diary.
Seconds now, I hear the clock tick. Seconds now and it will be like we had never seen eyes. I can see the shadows gathering around, they can't wait for this ultimatum.
Its funny how that is, all this time being a sound and noble man, yet here you are ready for blood. What a strange world I've lived in...
I'm told of my crimes over again, like somehow my guilt had let me forget. I'm read passages from the holy fables, in hopes to ease my mind, it doesn't work.
"May god have mercy on your soul", I choke, almost time now, cross your fingers.
The floor falls away, I feel the wind rushing upon my face, taking my breath my thoughts race in this moment time stops and seconds feel like an eternity. I think of all the people that have passed through my life, I think of my mother, my father, my son's, her I can see her face.
A sharp snap.….….….….….….….….….….….….…

Author's Note

Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.

Reviews

[Chris]

"a for told expression" - is this intent OR is it a typo? I'm curious because it WILL speak toward my understanding of your thought patterns.

"its just" is a typo or a way over my head possessive. "scuddled" - an interesting word and usage. I have gotten caught up in your first stanza...

[Andy Lewis]

"Its just" is a strong possessive I know I kinda wanted it to appeal powerful
And yea "for told" is a typo...
I'm using my phone to write, since my computer went to trash.

[Chris]

Don't you just hate it when the puter gives up the ghost? Ah so "its just" refers then to a sense of the propriety of justice?

[ocean_side]

Think you forgot the "nd" of and - "A chess game of pens a knives," unless you meant it to be that way.
Really like your work, good clear imagery, and a lot of power behind your words.

[Chris]

Hanging... as an execution. For the uninitiated, a slow strangulation vs a broken neck and a brief ...end - the disparity between a good executioneer (not a typo) and a under-thought-out suicide. You DO use words but are they always the ones you wanted? "Bare".

[Andy Lewis]

Not typically...I get hung up on was to express certain "emotional" contexts
I always tell myself "I'll get back to that" and then still never able
To find the right word.

[Chris]

overthink? or as a search to be thought as clever? or perhaps the other side of-the-coin - you HAVE the thought to say something and it just won't come out in the shade of YOUR meaning?

[Andy Lewis]

I don't mind if I'm seen as clever. That's a title I'm not so desperately seeking.
Yea I can't seem tobget the right "feeling" for the thought.

[Andy Lewis]

(I don't mind if I'm NOT** seen a clever)

[Chris]

Sometimes it can help if you get to talk something over for a bit - either really with your self or perhaps even with some other person. Sort of letting the "thought" mature into what it might become... Being thought "Clever" always seemed a back-handed compliment to me.

[Andy Lewis]

That's good advice...I try to do that as best I can but I twnd to get "figgity" with my mind and just "spew" out whatever fits the moment...and yea it is a bit back-handed.

[Chris]

There are so many "shades" to our intent AND many people are so used to the obvious that they "assume" a typo or unintended choice of shade of meaning or even a cavalier carelessness to the words we CAN use.

[Andy Lewis]

That's true...I can even claim guilt on overlooking ones meaning or "shade" that's a very good point