Separate and Collapse

First one in a while and I apologise for that.

You’re like a greased rope above a trap hole

I can grab your attention

But soon I’ll slip into the abyss

 

I’m like a sturdy home built on quicksand

Temporary comfort

Yet nothing incessant or lasting

 

Imagine we’re wires of fine string

Cut short by blunt scissors

As we part into fraying nothings

 

We’ll pass each other

We’ll even still talk

But not like before

I can’t maintain us

 

I’m like a supernova out in space

Come in close from afar

Then fade to dark: a fond memory

Author's Note

Not a love story, but rather the inability to keep friendships staying as strong as they once were.

Reviews

[Seashell]

The fact that you think along these lines, proves you are a worthy being. Some friends drop you, for no reason and don't want to rekindle the friendship and others for different reasons, but are dubious/scared to make the first move to get things back as they were. No matter the reason, we must talk,talk and talk....iron it out..build it up..and start again where an even greater relationship should be formed only to last for ever. I say 'greater' as all the do's and don't's are amicably resolved enabling you both to reach a higher rung on the 'ladder of respect' for each other, to create a wonderful thing to enjoy. If it's rejected then it's their loss Andy !
You did real good here
Thanks for share
Babs x

[johnnyqueer]

This is really fantastic. I can relate to this quite a bit. Nice write.

[Joe Shetina]

So much of this is familiar to me, especially now that my friends and I are finally going our separate ways. Somehow, even if we make an effort to see each other, it won't be the same.

[LittleMissSunshine :)]

This is very well spoken, and I'm impressed at how much though you obviously had to put into it.
That being said, I must comment on the fact that your entire piece seems a little haywire, and not very well organized.
The problem might be solved if there were a storyline behind it?

[Jazz]

I love this poem :) You've used similes really effectively to show how difficult it can be to sustain any form of relationship. Perhaps I'm using too much of the mumbo jumbo I learned at A Level when I say this but the second to last stanza really stands out because of the shorter amount of syllables in these lines. I assume this was intentional :) Sorry, I've never reviewed a poem before! But it's really good :)

[Dalrymple]

Sad. Lessening friendships. This says something about you yourself and your ability to write. But yes, you've got imagination to write.

[Dennis White]

The impermanance of friendships seems to be a fact of life, when good friends slip away from the cherished place they once held. Your good use of imagery to express this situation was well done and your words stir the heart and imagination giving me reason to ponder your message. Thanks for sharing.

Dennis

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

Aw...the mystifying ebb and flow of friendships...some meant to last, some meant to let go...A great poem, and well written to boot

[Rae]

Very nice, keep writing!

[Darkest Rose]

I love this. You worded it well and each line brings out a new image to the way it should be seen. The way you wrote it about the inability to keep friendships staying strong is a place I have been before so I relate well to it.Keep up the awesome writing :)

[Magic plus the mayhem.]

I like the way I can picture each word in this. Great write. (: