My neurodivergent struggle

I don't think you understand. I can not regulate my emotions as you do. As any of you "normal people" do. I cannor deal with things as many others, I can not cope with anger like you all. 

Raise your voice and I feel like I am drowning, like I am choking with unspoken words I would like to tell you but I can't. I cry instead. And you sincirely give me "a reason to cry for". What am I, 9? I am an adult and yet I feel like a little kid when you yell at me when I don't was a mug I just used. 

Understand, I am not lazy, I am just fighting my unmotivated brain full of wrong chemical signals. I do try not to forget and yet somehow it happens, when my brain focuses on milion times at once. I do not want to get distracted every time someone walks past my room, plays music or starts a car. I do want to pay attention to you when you talk to me. 

I

JUST

CAN'T !

My mind is overfilled with racing thoughts, I can't sleep and rest because of the thught what everything I have to do. Not speaking of trembling because of anxiety and stress I live in. 

And still you gonna blame me. It is "my" fault that my brain does't work like yours do. And punishment for those things are just unbearable. why would you do that? You  know something is wrong, you say it yourself and still, you don't do anything to help, anything to support me or just to tolerate and respect me.

No, because it bothers you and that is the most important thing on this entire world. 

Why do anyone else suffer when you do? How dare they? 

Thank you for ruining it all for me.