I unlock the wire cages and a flather of white pours noisily
upward. Turning my face, I watch as the pigeons wheel about, quickly finding
their sense of direction before heading off in a beeline for home.
As they disappear over the treetops, I exhale loudly. Free as a bird? That's always been a tainted
cliche for me. There are so many who
aren't, I think to myself.
This is their ninth flight for the year. Nine has always been my lucky number.Speaking of nine, it's about time for a
cuppa. I collect my thermos from the car and sit at acement picnic table under a sweet smelling gumtree. All I can hear is the buzz of cicadas. Nobody for miles.
I could probably sit here for a good half hour before a car or truck hurtled by
along the road.
I sip my tea slowly, in no hurry to leave. Closing my eyes I
bask in the warm summer air, thinking how glad I am that I'll never see those
pigeons again. Not that I have anything against them except that they belong to
my husband. He's at home "waiting for them to arrive". Unfortunately
I know who else is there "waiting" with him. Nope, change the subject Carrie. Focus on the journey ahead.
I think about my suitcase in the car and mentally
recalculate how long it's going to take to get to Darwin. I'm going to
be driving in the opposite direction that the birds are flying. Makes me a bit of a homing pigeon too I
guess. Darwin's where my mum is. But I swear, this time nobody's going to take
me away in a cage.
Downing the last drops of tea, I screw the lid back on the
thermos tightly, angry that my hands are suddenly shaking. I take nine deep
breathes, then stand up and head to the
car.
I'm ready to leave.
It's time for this bird to fly.
This is a perfectly free flowing short story. In its brevity it rounds itself out very well and lets the reader put their own spin on what exactly she is fleeing back home from. An abusive or cheating husband is my guess.
As always, your story is very well written and enjoyable to read. As for the word, "Flather", the best I could think of was "flutter", but that didnt seem appropriate.
Another fine piece of storytelling!
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Dooooooooooodley! If there was an award for kindest reviews, you'd be coming in at an easy first! Vi.. read moreDooooooooooodley! If there was an award for kindest reviews, you'd be coming in at an easy first! Vive la Doodley! I think your guess is spot on. Definitely cheating, and it does hint at abusive to doesn't it. *realises stuff about my own story when you point it out* :D
Flutter is definitly wrong in this case because in my mind, it's a rush and a stream of noisily flapping feathers... flutter is too gentle. Anyway, Doooooooooodley, Thank you so so so so so very very very much for your kind review. I'm glad you liked the story. :)
I totally get your writer's block issue. I'd honestly love for this to have more chapters, this piece kept my interest throughout the entire thing. I usually like to give a bit of critical feedback, but I can't really think of any. Great job!
Thanks for your read & review Flower. (why did you change your name?) I'm glad to hear that I manage.. read moreThanks for your read & review Flower. (why did you change your name?) I'm glad to hear that I managed to hold your interest. I'm not really sure what would happen in ensuing chapters so hopefully this is enough of a story in itself... We can hope it has a happy ending.. she seems headed in the right direction anyhow! :) Thanks again. I'm grateful for your words. :)
8 Years Ago
It's actually just the english translation of my Persian name aha. No problem!
When I saw the title, I knew it was going to be a good one. While this story isn't what I was expecting (something along the lines of a comedic story about pigeons attacks something/one), it had a certain charm all its own. It's nostalgic. It's deceptively simple. It tells a story not in a traditional sense, but by giving the reader a few guidelines and letting s/he fill in the rest.
PS. I really like the word "flather". After racking my brain, there were a few words I thought of that could be used in place of it, but honestly, none of them seem to fit quite as well. It's almost like that sentence was created specifically to contain the word "flather".
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Dear Clifford, Thanks very much for your kind review. I haven't been feeling very comedic lately but.. read moreDear Clifford, Thanks very much for your kind review. I haven't been feeling very comedic lately but I'm glad you found this charming all the same. :) Btw, feel free to write a story about pigeons attacking someone. Sounds like a funny idea :D Glad you like the made up word too. thanks again
Hey, welcome back! I'm glad you found your way back to writing. :) I loved the overall feel/tone of this story. Plus it was short and sweet, to the point, yet... a lot in between the lines. I admire your style of writing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thanks for reading & reviewing my story Anorien. I'm glad that you liked it. :) Have you written any.. read moreThanks for reading & reviewing my story Anorien. I'm glad that you liked it. :) Have you written anything lately that you want me to read? Feel free to send me a read request :)
8 Years Ago
Nope! Just reviewing for now. But I'll remember to send ya a request if I do post something. :)
I like the word flather, while I would use flurry, I think your word is completely understandable and charming.
It's a beautiful story, with much left unsaid, letting up put our own stamp on our reading.
It took me a while to realize that she was having a tea because it was 9 o clock.
Welcome back, Andronicus!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Well, well, well! The last person that I expected to have time to review! :D I'm glad you like my ma.. read moreWell, well, well! The last person that I expected to have time to review! :D I'm glad you like my made up word. I am also very grateful to my readers for reading between the lines and putting their own "stamp" on the story. :)
That's for pointing out the ambiguousness of the tea at nine thing. Not sure what to do about that though. And last but not least thanks for your encouraging review. Much appreciated. :)
I've turned RRs off for now because I'm really behind. I have 50 to do! Hope to get to them... eventually :)
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