Potty Humour

*Read the last two sentences out loud*

Jane is not a tuckshop mum. Though, she tells herself, she definitely would be were it not for the time restraints of having a full time job. Nonetheless she tries to be as supportive of her children’s education as possible which is why, when her son came home from school one afternoon with an alarming report, she had to take action. It went something like this.

 

 

Little Johnny came bouncing out from school one afternoon, his hat all skewiff and his shoelaces undone as per norm.

 

“How was school today Johnny?” Jane asked, taking his backpack and heading toward the car.

 

“Was okay,” he replied skipping a little to keep up, “but that big bully Marty Farty broke my sandcastle.” 

 

“Don’t say that Johnny. Even if he is mean to you, it’s no excuse to use potty language.”

 

“Our teacher says potty language,” Johnny said, pulling open the car door with both hands and climbing in.

 

“Mr Smith?”

 

“No we had a different teacher today.” Johnny giggled. “He said a naughty word and then he said pardon my French.”

 

“What did he say?” asked Jane, feeling concerned.

 

Johnny just giggled and covered his mouth with his hands. He giggled and giggled. The more he giggled the more Jane was concerned, until finally, she made up her  mind to give the school a call.

 

A receptionist answered and Jane got straight to the point.  “My child Johnny Lastname had a substitute teacher today. I am concerned that he has been using bad language in front of the children.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“I didn’t ask my child to repeat it,” snapped Jane crossly. “But it was followed by ‘pardon my French’ and my child was quite shocked.”  

“Perhaps you should talk to the substitute. His name is Mr Lewis and I’m sure he can explain.”

 

Jane was further irritated by a crackly dial tone, until the call was picked up again.

 

"Is that Mr Lewis?" she barked, getting ready to rage.

"Oui Oui!" came the thickly accented reply."Oh, pardon my French!” He chuckled, "The children seem to enjoy it though.”

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please say you got it!?

Appreciate any constructive criticism on how to make this work better!! Title? Tense? Anything?
Thanks for your feedback folks!
And thanks to everyone who has helped with this thus far!
:)

Reviews

[Beccy]

Witty and great fun; and also really well detailed which is the sign, to me, of a good storyteller.

Much enjoyed.

Beccy.

[Stan Lee]

Glad you enjoyed it Beccy. Thanks for your review. :)

[.]

Hahaha. I got it! Wee-wee! The realm of the revolution! ;)

A very smart little short story. And a classic example of political correct parenting gone crazy, to boot!

Nicely written.

[Stan Lee]

Oh yeah! The revolution lives on! Thanks for your review Doodley. You're always so complimentary and encouraging! :)

[.]

Happy New Year, Andronicus!!

[Stan Lee]

Happy New Year to you Doodley!! :)

[The Exiled Wolf]

This story is so cute! My dirty mind was thinking something like (you know what). The French joke is brilliant and would put a smile on my face after a whole day of work! Thanks for writing these lovely stories Andronicus!

[Stan Lee]

Actually no, I have no idea what you were thinking so yeah, innocent write and writer alike. Thank you for reading & reviewing my story Wolf. Glad it could put a smile on your face. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Awe! I loved the end so much!
Left me smiling and yes, I got it!

Cute, innocent vibes are refreshing!
Awesome work!

[Stan Lee]

I'm glad you got the joke Jyoti! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm always happy when the reader understand the vibe I'm trying to display from a character. Johnny Lastname was cute and innocent in my head too :D

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Oh yes he is!
And you are very welcome!

[Splatman73]

Should have seen that one coming. Lol. It definitely had me smiling about as wide as your profile pic.

You did a good job of building up the suspense that paid off with the joke at the end. Reminds me of the stories my old music teacher would tell us.

[Stan Lee]

Lol. Thanks a lot Splatman. I appreciate your kind review. :) I'm glad I managed to make you smile. What the the stories your old music teacher would tell you?

[Splatman73]

Well, have you heard the story about the wayside chapel before?

[Stan Lee]

No :) tell me?

[Splatman73]

I'll message you. It's along the lines of this one.

[Taylor]

Yes, I got it. It's fun, reads like a joke which of course it is.

Just a few of points:
1) I'd suggested deleting "flustered" from this sentence: "A flustered receptionist answered." At this point she's just answering the phone and has no idea that the caller has a problem -- thus isn't "flustered" yet.
2) "To her infuriation, the receptionist almost seemed to laugh!" For me, this slows the pace without adding to the suspense. I think it would be stronger just to dive into the receptionist's reply.
3) "Tinny hold music buzzed in Jane's ear until the call was picked up." -- The construction of this sentence seems awkward to me. In fact, I had to read it several times because of "tinny hold music." Maybe something like: "Jane waited as the phone buzzed, slightly irritated by the tinny hold music"?

So thanks for making a bright spot in a gloomy day!

[Stan Lee]

Dear Taylor, Thank you so much for your review. You've picked up on the exact same sentences that I wrestled with. 1)I thought the receptionist would already be flustered. They get pretty busy you know :P
2) good point. I agree
3) I wrestled with this for so so so long. Thanks for the suggestions. Much appreciated.
Glad you enjoyed :)

[Stan Lee]

Any better?

[Lorry]

Uhm, you're authors note is wrong. Big boys think they're hilarious too :)
Just as well he wasn't a substitute maths teacher or he'd come out thinking everything added up to nein :)

[Stan Lee]

Glad to hear it Nemo! Thanks for reading and your comments :D
*your ;)

[matrixmark]

That is really a cool little story. It had me typing out oui oui into google just to double check i got the ending right.....very funny i have to say. made me chuckle.

Mark.

[Stan Lee]

Glad to have made you chuckle Mark.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Dear Andronicus,
Congratulations on this chapter. You are doing it and the process looks good. I wonder what the mother and son look like? I hesitate to say a lot more at this point considering I am just writing small things. Bless you so much in your great work! Kathy

[Stan Lee]

Thanks for reading & reviewing Kathy.

[Cherinee Wong]

Hahahah! That was funny and cute!
I loved the unexpected at the ending!

[Stan Lee]

Thanks Cherinee. :) I'm glad you enjoyed my story.