The Merry Squire and The Mole

Dedicated to Louie B, who always seems to enjoy ye olde English tales of humor!

There once was a squire who, mounted on his thoroughbred, perchanced upon a mole on the wayside by whence he wast travelling.

"Hiy!" exclaimed this squire as he didst bring his steed to a standstill. "Who art thou? And whenst comest thou?"

The mole answering didst reply, "Noble squire, I ask that thou mightest remove thy mighty feet from before my face for these doth smell as the muck of dirty animals such as even I despise."

"What didst thou speak?" roared the squire, teetering against the reign of his faithful equestrian companion. "Hearest thou my demand, insignificant creature of the ground! Speak up! for I canst not hear thee!"

"Oh hush thy voice," saith the mole to the squire. "Thy voice doth sound to my ears as the babbling brooks, and thy whole body, yay, it reeks of the product whence comes from moulded potatoes."

Thus there wast a muddled silence for lo, this brave mole continued to stand its ground whilst his adversary didst pause, steadying his feet.

Thence asked that squire again, "Why doth thou remain silent mole?" At whence he didst bring his hand sharply to his forehead.

"What a foolish fellow I am!" cried he. "Everyone knows that moles can't speak!" And chuckling to himself, he went on his merry way.

Author's Note

Appreciate any feedback!

MANY THANKS TO http://www.writerscafe.org/JTEVERGREEN FOR HIS HUGE HELP!

Reviews

[Hannah]

Yeesh, that mole is ruthless! I thought it was really funny how the two characters had two very different conversations because the squire couldn't hear the mole. The ending was awesome. Maybe moles really do talk but we just can't hear them!

[Stan Lee]

Thanks for your review Hannah. I'm glad you thought of that because apart from making you laugh I was aiming to make you wonder. What really happened here? (: Thanks again.

[AquaWater5674]

Hannah...really cute review..lol do moles talk?
Debbie

[Paul Bell]

That's me coming home from you know where.
Greenhouses quake as i talk my way through the dark.
Great story.

[Stan Lee]

Thanks for reading.

[Gee]

A cheeky little sod that mole, a smile inducing piece to start the day on the right note. Thank you A

[Stan Lee]

Hi Gee, Thanks for your review. Glad you liked it. :)

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Dear Andronicus
Oh my this was so great not to mention the wonderful subtitle Ye olde english humour. I have one experience with a mole where I was coming off a step onto my sidewalk and a mole was busily digging. I just stood and watched him! I think he finally smelled me? and went back down. Hence your reference to the awfull smell of muck of dirty animals which even I despise.................Pretty cool writing!

[Stan Lee]

I have never seen a mole in my travels but I did see some mole hills once. It seemed fitting that an English creature was used in this (completely made up) olde English tale. Thanks for dropping by & leaving a kind review. I'm glad that you liked my story. :)

[1VJ]

Oh, you went old school with this one, I always knew those critters were cheeky. :)

Amusing read any way it's written.

[Stan Lee]

Thanks Paloma. :)

[Chip Murison]

Very fun! It reminds me of a Monty Python skit too. I read it a few times and laughed every time. Such a brash mole!

[Stan Lee]

Thank you so much Chip! I'm so glad to hear this, because I laugh every time too, even though I know what's coming. :) Chip, I appreciate you taking the time to read & review. Thanks again

[Jacob Clifford]

This is hilarious! I love the mole's brazen and ballsy attitude, and the simple misunderstanding. It makes one wonder if this isn't the way conversations between man and mole really go. Perhaps the mole simply thought his adversary was simply too awestruck by the mole's audacity to respond.

[Stan Lee]

Thanks Clifford!! :) So happy that you found it hilarious! Perhaps all moles talk like this but we're not drunk enough to hear them... or perhaps they don't talk at all. Who knows :D That's for you to decide, but either way thank you very much for reading and reviewing. :)

[Paul Bell]

I like this, sort of monty pythonish squire. That was one brave mole.

[Stan Lee]

Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you like it

[emmajoy]

'"Oh hush thy voice," saith the mole to the squire. "Thy voice doth sound to my ears as the babbling brooks, and thy whole body, yay, it reeks of the product whence comes from moulded potatoes." .. What an impertinence of mole!

From whenst came this weird language, an', of course, perchance an' mayhaps the extraordinariness of said stinkin' squire. Methinks he had supped a touch too much of that moulded potato wine. As for mole, an adventurer he, with poise handled in/with dexterous fun by his creator!

[Stan Lee]

From whenst comest said stinkin' squire and merry mole? Why, it cameth from my pen and not one drop of spirits wast present in my being then nor as I speak. Much fun wast had and is to be had furthermore. I thank thee for thy kind review. It bringeth a smile to my face. :)

[emmajoy]

Smiles and stories are the wine of life!

[veck]

I think that this type of writing is very interesting, as the old English really makes you analyze each sentence. Cute, fun story, and I would love to see more like this! :)

[Stan Lee]

:) Thanks a lot veck. Did it make you laugh? I'm glad you liked it and found my version on 'old English' interesting and fun. :)

[veck]

It's typically very hard to make me laugh, but I'll admit, I did smirk at the end :P

[Stan Lee]

:D lol, I'm happy with a smirk. Thanks again.

[veck]

Of course! :)