"Spiders, spiders, spiders. What a stupid start to a
story." She thought, looking blankly at her note pad.
Leaning back in her creaking office chair, she sharpened her
pencil carefully over the bin by her desk. A deep booming grandfather clock chimed
midnight from the hallway. As the last echoing stroke faded she leaned back over
her pad and started drawing..... a spider.
It was the best drawing she'd ever done. The spider stood on
the page, it's furry legs poised. It's beady eyes stared out at her with an
expression of greed and excitement.
Then, it jumped at her.
And bit her.
And killed her.
Her spirit departed as a wisp of smoke, curling up toward
the ceiling and then twisting through an open window. It floated on icy cold
air currents until one dark night it saw an artist hard at work in his studio.
A
clock struck midnight as the wisp curled in under the door and around the artist's
neck.
I like how you have this style with some of your stories, where you open with describing one image, then gradually reveal the bigger picture in quick sudden bursts, leading up to, revealing an even that the reader did not expect to see. It makes your work fun to read:) ..I would almost describe it as a literary roller coaster ride :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Literary roller coaster ride sounds pretty good to me! Thanks for your comments and kind review. Muc.. read moreLiterary roller coaster ride sounds pretty good to me! Thanks for your comments and kind review. Much appreciated Josiah. :)
*Whistles*... Loved it, the stop, pause affect. Repeated lines with succinct, and almost mysterious reading twists. Blunt slaps to the minds eye... Really makes one wonder at the end, are we the spiders to this being? Is the idea he implants his gateway into reality...? Superb stuff, simply thought provoking, with a dash of complexity stirred in. Kudos...Even though I am terrified of the creatures...
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
When I get such an enthusiastic review I want to try to convey my gratitude. But yeah, thanks :D Tha.. read moreWhen I get such an enthusiastic review I want to try to convey my gratitude. But yeah, thanks :D Thanks a lot.
Spiders hold a gentleness largely missed as we grapple and swat the fragment silky threads, sometimes in the grip of panic or not. Niece spontaneity here. I wonder what kind of spider it was.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
It was a tarantula I believe. Not the sort that spin webs. Thanks for reviewing my story.
This is so neat and unexpected! I hate spiders. As a young child I had the mumps accompanied with a high fever. One day I hallucinated that there were hundreds of spiders hanging down from the ceiling in my bedroom.
LOL first off, I hate spiders so it got my attention quickly. But I loved the speed with which this escalated. I think my heart jumped a bit and a creep factor found me at the ending. You used beautiful imagery, almost too much, but that's debatable. *shrug* In my opinion, it's very nicely done. :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thanks so much for your review Anorien. I think this is the creepiest story I have written! I'm glad.. read moreThanks so much for your review Anorien. I think this is the creepiest story I have written! I'm glad you liked the speed and imagery. I like speedy stories, they are quicker to read. :D Thanks again.
Oh wow. That was unexpected. The beginning escalated quickly and in a good way. I would like to say more just so my review in meaningful, but I don't have too much. But geez, I know I wouldn't like to be in that woman's place. Even the thought of a spider drawing coming to life bugs me (pun intended). That would be quite a -sticky- situation. Ha! But I should really stop... I'm spinning quite a yarn here!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Yay! Unexpected is what I like to do! And your review made me laugh out loud. So many spider puns! B.. read moreYay! Unexpected is what I like to do! And your review made me laugh out loud. So many spider puns! But what else can I expect on the web... :D
Thanks very much for your kind review Clifford. Much appreciated!
Another well written display of your imagination! It flows very well and then the story does a complete revolution half way through and turns in another direction. Very unexpected!
I am guessing you have a fear of spiders to put pen to paper about such a subject matter. And this story reminded me of horror movies and stories where the evil entity, in whatever form, spreads its terror between interconnected victims.
A chilling little short story. Nicely done!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
It is a bit creepy isn't it. :) I like to be unexpected therefore your review is very satisfying!!read moreIt is a bit creepy isn't it. :) I like to be unexpected therefore your review is very satisfying!!
I'm not excessively scared of spiders, but like most people, not too fond of them either. Thanks again for your kind and insightful review. I really appreciate you taking the time. :)
This started with a simple repeat of words (great punctuation by the way, then, quickly picked up pace, Suddenly you'd created a series of instantly seen cartoons (of the preparatory canvas kind not strip cartoons) and this reader was sucked in. The creepy ending wasn't signalled so hats off to that.. a grand finish. You're so good at those!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you emmajoy! I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review. :)
Brilliant. Enjoyed this piece so much!
Made me think of hallucinogenic drugs for some reason, the spider jumping out as well as the demise, the intriguing shape of the web.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thanks a lot Hagazussa! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. :)
I've turned RRs off for now because I'm really behind. I have 50 to do! Hope to get to them... eventually :)
“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; ho.. more..