Depression

When the guitar is right there under your bed,

waiting to be fed a chorus of captain crunch and

fruit loops, there's about zero to none perchance

that your song is going to actually make its stand,

on the radio,

on the stereo singing why oh why oh why

can't I just get laid,

is it too much to ask 

to have a helping hand 

with the problems 

that can't seem to escape

me, break me,

take me to the edge of the cliff/

ledge of the drifting sunrise in a kaleidoscope of 

broken promises and forgotten childhoods, when you 

ask yourself, is that ME?  And the man in the mirror replies, oh so cheerily,

you did this to yourself.

Reviews

[Annabelle Lee]

you never really know if something will "make its stand" until you it. I'm not gonna feed you all of that BS about wanting something bad enough but it's worth a shot. You're an excellent writer, and music's much the same as prose. Keep your head up.

[A. H. Pinley]

There was a saying used in grade school to encourage kids not to point. When you point you have three fingers pointing back at you. I guess that's why in the Marines we use the knife hand. Nice work!

[Taylor H.]

I love how it went from silly and kind of simple to like deep and intense the farther down you read. Good poem

[John]

I appreciate that you read the entire thing. Gives me comfort. :)

[Taylor H.]

no problem :)

[Danielle Bernard]

Powerfully written. Nice job

[Kelsey]

Wow. Your poetry always has such a wonderful flow, one that only a true writer could accomplish. This was a very light read in the sense that it flowed so nicely, but at the same time it was a deep read in the sense of meaning. A very nice balance of both you have here, might I add. Nicely done. x

[John]

I really do appreciate the review, thank you for categorizing me as a "true writer" :) it gives my heart hope.

[Just Kim]

deep and profound.

[Temerity]

Hey! So, there's something I really like this...it's something subtle but consistent, and I really can't even tell you what it is. Perhaps a bit of an edge, or a slight wit? In any case, it made the poem quite compelling.

Something with a title like "Depression" has a tendency to scare me away, because they are oh so often written by premature tween writers with an ax to grind against their parents/society/significant other/etc, so this was a relief. You narrate this pretty well, with smooth transitions and a natural method of saying a lot in a little. I have to say that I wasn't blown away by the first four lines or so, but as it progressed I became more drawn into the message. Your best lines, by far, were in fact your last. Those felt honest in a way that your other lines were just scratching the surface of.

With all of this being said, I thought that this was a good poem. I really enjoyed the message and depth that only continued to grow as you continued. With a few minor edits, this poem might not be good, but great.

Keep writing, and best wishes.

[John]

Thank you. I really do appreciate the review