The pillars of time

Nostalgia, sweeter still than

summer's childhood thrills when

pride and shame did not exist,

and our stewards were the eldest among us.

Virgin glades, and frivolous escapades,

dancing to the winds and waves,

slaying dragons and saving maidens,

chasing dreams and jumping band wagons.

Vagabonds and miscreants, we,

children of the forestry,

ragamuffins and gypsy-folk

from Neverland and Roanoke.

Care-free and tipsy with glee,

speaking only when need be,

laughing, dashing, living free,

not a single frown could be seen.

But age and duty have taken hold,

our backs have bent with growing old,

and faces once so bright and gay

have crooked and creaked day after day.

Until the only thing left to see

is our fading past and memory,

a life well-spent in play and song,

a life that's soon to be all but gone.

Reviews

[Acer]

Lovely.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Very nostalgic, when we reach the end of life's journey and think back on all the fun of our days. A lovely write.

[Annabelle Lee]

This one excites feelings in the reader that normally don't come from work on this site.
But age and duty have taken hold,
our backs have bent with growing old,
and faces once so bright and gay
have crooked and creaked day after day
My favorite stanza, for this one made me realize the whole point of your poem, to me, anyways. I find a theme in this... Memories are great, but you're not going to be young forever, so be happy before it's too late??? I might be pulling random words out of the seat of my pants but I really just had this notion by the end of your work.

So, in many less words, I found this thoroughly enjoyable

[John]

You have unlocked the puzzle. Kudos.

[Annabelle Lee]

Winning haha

[Crow21]

I drowned in your words, I like that feeling. I for one can not express myself at such lengths

[John]

Try, my friend, you may surprise yourself. Thank you for the review.

[Crow21]

I have. You are welcome. One request please write another in which the words hold me under, submerged to your feelings.

[John]

I shall try.

[CS]

Praise: I love the old world feel to this. It speaks to my heathen heart. I love the idea of looking back with nostalgia, not for this lifetime, but a lifetime far more removed. As if you are homesick for a past life. I like that a lot.

Constructive criticism: The flow to this is wonderful but there are some lines that feel a bit overworded and mess with the ease of reading. For instance, the last lines of stanza 1, 2, 5, and 6 could be simplified. Also, I think if in stanza 2 the first line was changed to "virgin glades, frivilous escapades" and the last line was changed to "chasing dreams, jumping band wagons", it would flow better. I hope I have not offended. This is just my opinion from one poet to another.

Overall, I think this is a great piece of work that was very enjoyable to read. I will be sure to check out more of your work later. Well done, John :)

[John]

Thank you very much for the review, I thought long and hard about the end lines of each stanza, and I was trying to reach a kind of... how do I say this... err, crooked flow. Maybe like a drawl or slurred. Like the caterpillar in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I guess I either need to fix it so that the slur is more prominent or do what you said.
Idk, you haven't offended, I'm actually very glad you gave such a detailed review.
Please feel free to critique any of my other pieces, I'd love to hear what you have to think of them.

[CS]

A crooked flow....yes, I understand that. I have done that as well. I will re-read this then with that in my mind. And yes, I am sure I will visit you some more in the future.

It is always my pleasure to read and review :)

[John]

cheers.