The Devils Darling

Oh, sweet sweet succubi.

I never heard speech more charming than hers,

nor words so sweet.

Her lips became wine,

and I was drunk on the sea of her love.

She grew upon me the way sleep grows 

on those that day dream;

Constant states of ruin and pleasure. 

The type of woman that makes men bankrupt on fantasy,

jealous with conversation,

and bathed with a self imposed illusion of beauty.

With the evening lights

the mediation between good and evil fades.

Accordingly,

men drop moral teachings and press their tongues

against the neck of the devils darling.

Lust after a nectar as sweet as love

and just as sour.

Weeping at the interruption of their intercourse,

and explaining through veiled lies 

why their lips are taste like cherry;

when their wife was always a peach.

Oh, sweet succubus,

behind locked doors you are the damsel of desire;

Decked with robes and pretty colors

and know every weak spot of a man's body.

However you can scarcely walk from the weight of all the ornaments you put on,

and as I watch them advance,

I see your very countenance drain from your face.

I hope you get left alone.

Author's Note

Written for the contest group Capture, in regards to the second image. I hope you all enjoyed it, but not so much that you compliment the subject. Thanks for the inspiration.

Reviews

[Ruth]

A great observation...I enjoyed the imagery within. A persona felt and captured :)

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

The last few lines are defining for this poem. ' I see your very countenance drain from your face, I hope you get left alone.' Indeed, just outer beauty and the seductive image that comes with it can be overwhelming and draining after coming to a certain point. Any aspect of our persona resting alone on others' pleasure can be tedious to sustain for anyone (I think)!
Best wishes for the contest :)

[Fran Marie]

Lust after a nectar sweet as love and just as sour..a line that shows the satisfying pleasures of the heated moments and the bitter aftertaste of regrets..great take on the image
a well versed poem so deeply expressed..

Nice Work

[Andrew Rayne]

Appreciated! Thank you. :)

[Devons]

As a matter of fact the subject (the girl in the photo) was indeed one of those you describe. She was a kind of latter day courtesan, and is infamous for being involved in a political scandal during the '60s. Some women are perhaps born sex objects and can do or be nothing else - it's something to do with the personality as well the looks and body. I've always thought, for instance, that Marilyn Monroe could talk a man in to anything - her coquettish nature and way of talking was almost like a palpable 'tickle' on a man's flesh... They can't be "left alone", even if they wanted to be.
Even without the foreknowledge of this girl's background, you've captured her nature and lifestyle exactly, I think. Perhaps it's something identified in the way a woman 'looks' somehow - whatever it is, it has been perceived accurately in the writing here. It could quite easily have been written for her.
"The type of woman that makes men bankrupt on fantasy,
................Lust after a nectar as sweet as love
and just as sour."
As a character portrayal, the succubus allusion is perfect. The imagery is profoundly insightful, and the language expresses meaning very attractively (appropriately enough). I must confess I have never educated myself in mythological legend (not much anyhow) and I do not -literally as a rule- use it in my writing at all: because it is perhaps alienating to some readers, and comes from the antiquities of poetry, when a classical education was the norm for poets. But, when it is used minimally, it is very effective (especially when so appropriate) and does provide a certain amount of education in itself sometimes - I hadn't before known what a succubus was (though I had a pretty good idea when reading this, of course). It's interesting that the word is similar to 'succulent' - I think that appropriate somehow.
This is perfect for both the image and the subject. And it can stand alone, regardless of the image that inspired it.
Nectar for the mind (and/or body and soul).

NB The only criticism I have -if you can call it that, since it's small- is that the form widens out somewhat at the end, though only subtly. In retrospect, however, I think that would solved by removing that final additional statement commencing "furthermore". I think it should end on "I hope you get left alone" (incidentally: assuming she wants to be!). Just a subjective viewpoint, but I think that would complete the poem very well indeed.

[Andrew Rayne]

Greatly appreciated that you took all the time and effort to give such a wonderful critique. And thank you again for the ending opinion, I was myself unsure of how exactly I wanted to end it myself. Again, thank you very much for the review and I am glad you enjoyed it. hopefully it wins eh? Haha. Have a great day my friend.