Life Of A Springfield Extra

Cookie Kwan is an underused character from ‘The Simpsons’ created by Matt Groening. I take no credit for her creation. For more of my writing, go to andrewhenleywriting.wordpress.com

Cookie Kwan sat at her desk and poured of vodka into her glass of melting ice. It was late. The rest of the office had gone home. The only light was the green-dyed glow of her desk lamp. Red Blazer Realty wasn’t making enough money, even for the queen of the west side. She needed to do something exciting, something to make the writers take notice. Stop that b***h Lindsay Naegle from getting all her roles. They go to her for professional, they go to Gil Gunderson for laughs. He’s only funny because he’s washed up. Nothing could make Cookie sink that low. She’d made out with Gil once at a Christmas party; he tasted and smelt of desperation. Maybe if she made out with Lindsay… no. Cookie didn’t need to resort to that. She could be funny. She had a hook. But lately she was nothing more than a background character. Brandine Spuckler got more screen time! Cookie was almost forgotten. Next series she might not be invited back. Consigned to the archives and clipshows, with Dr. Marvin Monroe and Capitol City Goofball. She finished the vodka and stumbled home.

The sky was dark purple and clear like always. Cranes and scaffolding loitered on a street corner. There was always construction going on in Springfield. She walked a little further until she was outside Moe’s. Now there was the dregs. Cookie wasn’t rock bottom until she became a regular there. It was alright for Barney and Homer. Just ply them with Duff and film. Easy laughs and no writers. But Cookie would end up bitter and pathetic like Larry and Steve. Just drink and keep quiet.

She forced herself to keep walking. The trashcans rattled in the alleyway between Moe’s and King Toots. Jimbo Jones stood relaxed against the wall, his arms snaking around Shauna’s back as she kissed him. Shauna’s manicured hand slid up Jimbo’s face, then inside his beanie hat to stroke his hair. The hat fell off, revealing Jimbo’s bald spot. Cookie sniggered. The two of them turned around.
“Get lost old lady!” Shauna shouted.
The pair of them picked up garbage and threw it at Cookie. A rusted and twisted can of Buzz Cola hit Cookie on the back of the head as she fled.

She kept running as the two teens laughed. She kept running until an oncoming shoulder charge knocked her flat onto the back. The man plowed past her and didn’t look back. He had a denim vest over a grey tshirt and a full quiff.
“Bu-Bye!”

Cookie stumbled to her feet and pressed her fingers to her temples. She needed another vodka. The Kwik-E-Mart was on the next block. And it was always open. Manuja was a lucky woman… But at least she had a man. The automatic doors dinged, and Cookie saw her opportunity. Her last shot at the big time. Scattered across the floor, magazines sodden red covered up the body of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. He was alive, but breathing heavily and loosing blood fast. Cookie ran over and knelt by him. Apu was a big character. If Cookie saved him, they’d give her a promotion. Cast her as a regular. Save her.
“Apu, are you okay?”
“Cut!” someone yelled from behind her.
She turned quickly, confused.
Matt Groening stood there, arms folded, annoyed.
“Jeez Cookie, what are you doing here? We’re right in the middle of a scene! I mean, Snake knocking you over outside, that was funny. That would have made the final cut. Why’d you have to take it too far? You know you’re only support cast. Just get out of here, go home.”
Cookie sighed and stood up, “Can I at least buy a bottle of vodka?”
“‘Can you at least…’ oh just take it Cookie. But it’s coming out of your paycheck,” Matt said.
Apu sat up and scratched his chest, shuffling his hand beneath his bloodpack.
“Okay, let’s get Marge and Krusty back in here and take it from their lines. Wait a minute, Cookie?” Matt said, tapping her on the shoulder.
She turned hopefully, “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to leave the vodka. It’s in background shot. Continuity, you know.”
“Yeah, fine,” she said, handing the bottle over.

She left the Kwik-E-Mart and headed for Moe’s.