12/29/08

Well I think its time I come up here and do this music with a lyrical confusion of keepin you groovin.  Consuming every movement...Maybe its time to just write in a true "no time" and not for music but rather a better understanding.  I have been writing and creating a lot.  A new formation of my life has presented itself.  I spend my time deep in thought, however, its not really thought.  Its just being.  How do I truely say this to mean what I mean?  Well I dont think there are words to describe it.  I have thrived for a long time in the successful world.  I have cared about money in great detail and even built my happiness based on the idea that it makes things easier.  Well I have found that this is true for the easier part.  But as for happiness...I found a whole world of misery and failure.  Heart aches that still ache and failed achievments that still haunt me.  These are things about me that I can never change nor do I want to change them.  They are my lessons in time.  Everyone has good days and bad days.  Today I can honestly say I have no idea whats in store.  It seems to me im loosing the true meaning of feeling so I can learn from the true meaning of life.  I have met and known many great minds.  Traveled souls for that is their purpose.  I find myself back in the place I started.  No furthur seeing the world than just a few states.  In a sense stuck in this place.  But I feel that for now it is my fate.  Even with all the friends and family in the world I feel very alone.  I have been rejected by every love of my life for caring only about a better being or musical journey.  This world has been chewing on me for a long time and I have been ready to be swallowed so I can experience digestion several times.  This last time was so brutal all I can do is open my eyes and realize maybe I am meant to be this way for all time. Could it be that I am a piece of gum only meant for momentary pleasure chewed up and spit into some paper and thrown in the trash.  The repeatedness of this has left me wondering what purpose am I.  Maybe thats a wrong way to say it.  More so obviously I am not meant to be a soul mate just yet.  Why else would I be continually denied these things if it was not meant for this time... A moment in time to think of something to write is a loss in the idea of mind.  I am meant for some other ryhme of this time and I must put my feelings aside to truely find why my life is mine.  I am a musician maybe its getting to be my time.  How could this life support a you and I?  why must I have a you?  just to reproduce?  what is meant for my life?  should I be worth of these answer they will present themselves in all due time.  right now I feel a little heavy heart inside wondering what happened to my life.  Those great times of you's and i's.  It is now I realize those times were not my life so that is why I must purse my life instead of mine.  This I feel is the right state of mind for my life at this time.  I sure do hope im right.

-Andrew DeRossett-