Thinking of suicide?

If we stand this wont happen

Thinking of suicide? You’re sitting in your room ~door locked~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper in front of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t k n ow where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody.

It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all.

No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn't know you can’t hear her she doesn't know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right?

8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you've never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn't I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn't know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn't slept for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren't I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never.

It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t.

Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable.

If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you feel better. There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbours, adults, counsellors ~ They’re all there for you whenever you need them and same goes with me Justin Preston.

I hope this changed anyone's life.

Reviews

[jdr / Jennifer]

Thank you for posting this. This is a very powerful write & very important for 'everyone' to read. It is very well written; touching, emotional, dramatic & heartbreaking- yet so full of meaning. Suicide is 'NEVER' the answer. I've lost people & I've seen families destroyed because of it. Thank you again, for sharing your incredible writing talent & this profound, informative piece.

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[Faolan]

Wow... Very important to read. It was emotional and beautiful...it was great...

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[Baby Ricochet]

US service men and women commit more suicides than Hajji killed. As a United states Marine with tours of Afghanistan and Iraq in my background (I'm a civilian now. Something I regret on a near daily basis) and having known people who have committed suicide I can tell you my primary reaction is anger. Partly at the dysfunctional system that was suppose to help us adjust "back to the world" but mostly at the Service men and women themselves. In my mind if hajji couldn't kill me I'm sure as s**t not doing it for him and I'd miss out on great crap like getting steamed up reading this story about suicide and wondering why my latest poem isn't in the #1 slot. Suicide leaves a huge hole of guilt and anger in survivors lives that nothing's going to fill so it's a really selfish act. SO don't be so damned selfish and stick around. At the least something decent will come on tv eventually/

[Tate Morgan]

As a father and a man whose son in law chose this as the answer to his own problem i find this more than disturbing .My own opinion is this.No child should ever want to kill themselves as the answer to their problems.It leaves a swath of anger pain and selfish neglect to all those who are left behind to clean up the mess created by the deceased. As a grandfather now I find i am also having to take on the role as the father in this case for my granddaughter who has none. Every time i see a child cut themselves or whine about how tough life is.I cant help feeling sick. Life isnt supposed to be easy and the things we gain from it that are of lasting value come from the trials that we overcome. I think we coddle our children till they are unable to care for themselves or anyone else in the name of political correctness. I am not one to say finishing third is winning.I dont believe in honoring excellence by giving out trophies for participation.We have created some truly dysfunctional human beings with the use of this philosophy.Children who never did a days work in their life.never knew what it feltr like to acheive through hard unrelenting blistering work. Their failings are our failings as we set them in motion. So to anyone feeling the need fo attention .Who wants to kill their selves because this world is just too tough . i say think of the rest of humanity and your parents who will feel as if it were their fault .Left to try and make sense of a wasted life that they created. It leaves us as parents feeling as if we failed you. and that ios the legacy of regret that a wasted life paints for this world.I cant help but feel sorrow for my friends the parents of my son in law who chose this path rather than to be a man and take the blows of life.He left us his legacy in the way of a granddaughter .But i doubt we are prepared.However I will not abandon that responsibility as he did.Im sure someone will rail that i am insensitive.And to tell you the truth i dont care!I have comforted way too many broken hearts and crushed dreams to think it is a viable option for a child to give away the beauty of youth and the gift of life for their own hardship .We all have hardship suck it up and take it .Stand up and give some back

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thanks you both for reviewing and those little tips

[Broken Porcelain]

Very lovely, thank you for posting. Suicide is often sought when no light is seen but they do not realize how much darkness they leave behind for the world through their actions.

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

true and thanks =]

[Alyssa C.]

This story changed my thoughts about, it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can't believe I was so dumb. You're awesome. :)

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[C.C. Marx]

This touched me in a way I didn't think it would, thank you for that

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

no problem

[Holly Mason]

This is the best piece you have written
love the concept that you have used in writing this
it is attention grabbing from beginning to end
I had tears thinking of all the ones left behind
this is a wonderful masterful piece for one so young it shows that you are caring and deep
thinking of suicide-a great story
thank you for sharing

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

no problem

[EYES OF MY SOUL]

WOW, i don't even know what to say ,remarkable work i really was almost in tears great job.

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[Justin]

this is amazing :)

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[Justin]

No problem

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

:)

[Cara]

wow, really amazing
thank you

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

no problem

[Cara]

:D

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

:D

[Salar Majak]

this is powerful!
really!!
it took my breath away,!!!!
keep this up!
i loved the strength in the story, the voice, everything about it!
beautifuL!

[Andrew (MJ) Nugteren]

thank you :)

[Salar Majak]

:)