Chapter 2

 John and I walked in silence out of my apartment. He didn't look at me, he didn't talk to me, didn't dare to breathe in my direction. I couldn't understand why my words had affected him so. He was gay after all, I thought that was the whole idea that he wanted to be a miss and not a mister. I always assumed John would be the pitcher and not the catcher, but then again I could be wrong, just as I was wrong about his sexuality.

I shivered slightly at mere thought of those events, John pulled me to his side thinking it was probably because I was cold and I let him. I enjoyed the comfort of being in his arms of remembering those days when being there meant something, when it meant that we were couple, a united force, now he did it out of pity. I tried to push him away, needing some space from him, the wounds were still too fresh, too raw even after two years. He wouldn't let me though, he just held me close as we walked the streets of Boston together.

“This is what we're late for?” I gestured to our surroundings. We ended up in the Boston Commons, My favorite place to be during the winter. It was freezing but it was worth the view. The Christmas lights shown brightly, people were ice skating, children were running around throwing snowballs at each other it was magical.

“Stop asking questions, and just wait.” John angrily responded, he was on edge today which was unlike him. John never let anything bother him, and if something did bother him you'd never know because he'd never tell you.

John stopped at a near bench and sat, he grabbed me by the waist and brought me along with him to sit on his lap. I thought he gesture was too intimate for us. But he didn't care or maybe didn't seem to notice. Again I tried to get out of his embrace but he wouldn't let me, refusing to let me go.

“I forgot how well we fit together.” John said a few moments later. I didn't respond because I never forgot. I always knew how well we complimented each other, how my body was the perfect puzzle piece to his except for one minor detail, or should I say major?

“Bee, I brought you here for a reason, not just to freeze our asses off on this bench.”

“Okay, so spill it.” I responded, his arms tightened around me. I had no escape.

“First I want to say I'm sor....” I cut him off before he could finish his apology. The apologies I got everyday not just from him but every one else that felt sorry for me because I fell in love with a man that could never love me the way I wanted him to, the way I needed him to.

“Stop apologizing okay, I'm tired of hearing it, I'm tired of seeing the guilt on your face when you look at me, How can you expect me to move on from this if you don't let me John?” I questioned, the events of today becoming to much for me to handle.

“I know you're tired of hearing it, believe me, I wish I could take it all back but I cant, I think its time we made a fresh start Bee. I need space from you and you need space from me.” he continued. I thought of the irony of the statement. How could I possibly have any space when I was sitting on his lap?

“So what are you suggesting?” I answered a little bit confused by his statement

“I got a job in New York. Working for an advertising company, its a great opportunity, I need this job, I leave tomorrow,” his words hit me like a rock had hit the back of my head. John was leaving? Why? I couldn't quite comprehend the reasons for his actions.

“So you're leaving? Tomorrow? Why? Boston is your home, it makes no sense.”

“ It makes plenty sense Bee, we need a fresh start, you need to move on with your life and I with mine, you will always be my best friend, you know that. But I think its time we went our separate ways.” he gave me a half smile, apparently I wasn't good enough for a full smile. He was breaking up with me. Again.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I asked shocked by his revelation. He might as well have said “its not you its me.” I think I would of taken that better.

“ Bee I don't want to rehash the past anymore. I'm tired of feeling guilty for who I am, I know I hurt you and that's why I'm doing this, its the only way.” he shrugged. I felt defeated, and strangely alone, even though he was right next to me. In the matter of minutes I had lost all I had. My best friend. A few minutes passed before he spoke.

“We need to go.” he said standing us both up. I took my seat back on the bench, I was still shell shocked.

“Come on.” he extended his hand out for me to take but I refused it.

“I'm gonna stay here for a little bit.” I responded folding arms on my chest, on the defensive.

“are you sure?” he asked. I could see the tears glistening in his blue eyes. They cut deeper into my heart.

“yea, you go ahead.” I gave him the best smile I could muster, and with one last nod and a kiss on the forehead John walked out of the Commons and out of life.

Author's Note

Ignore grammer errors. I post as I write.