Aqua's Journey

The Andre Aqua Story.

Is this true or just another story with no ending?
Another cliffhanger,
leaving me with my questions that I should know the answers to,
but I seem to give myself these outside the box thoughts.
They never make sense, not even in my paradoxical mind.
I hold no answers, just thoughts that seem to run away.
They never return to me,
They've escaped with no plans to,
and they roam in a field of dreams with what I would love to believe,
other thoughts from other paradoxical minds.
If it's not that, then maybe it should.
I can't see what other way to explain how we think, what we believe in, our vision.
It's now one, big blur and because of this, I'm forever trapped in my own prison.
What have you come to realize?
How your thoughts take you to places you know never exist,
but your mind can make it seem like it's all right in front of you?
Almost like you're the star of your own movie, can't find your place.
How messed up is that?
I guess this is what it means to be a dreamer,
trapped in our own thoughts that seem to give us life,
but we still feel like it's little to none.
Maybe just enough to pull you to your next endeavor.
Where ever that may be for you,
dream on, don't let it fade to darkness.

Author's Note

The journey is mine alone to endeavor. I do not ask you to join, I only want to open it to you.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I understand your somewhat rambling thoughts here . . . many interesting ways to ponder what we ponder. When expressing abstract thoughts & ideas, it can be a little philosophical (i.e. no action or details) . . . one way to help this become a more dynamic poem is to use verbs that give more action & imagery. Some of the good ones you used: escaped, roam, trapped, pull, fade. But there are many more which are flat & convey very little action & imagery:
line3: leaving me . . . could be: tormenting me
line4: I seem to give myself (tentative not definitive) . . . could be: I leap outside-the-box with my thoughts
line15: thoughts take you to places . . . could be: thoughts catapult you or transport you

Using more dynamic verbs can make a flat piece of mental pondering into something with POP!

Another thing . . . too many times you say "seems to" . . . just own your ideas, man! Tell me with certainty what you think & feel. This sounds too wishy-washy when you say everything seems to be this or that . . . (ho hum!)

I like what you're saying here and I think your writing could be more memorable if you take a little extra time to pick words that convey more feeling & more imagery & more impact.

[Andre Waters II]

Thank you for the review, This is really helpful and I'll be giving this a lot of thought in future writings.