"I Wandered A Bit..."

 "I Wandered A Bit..."

I wandered a bit

here

there...

 

and paused

and listened

 

...your thoughts are echoing within in a sad way...

Our reasons for writing are wide and varied as are our reasons for reading and listening.

 

Picking out the exact moment of change is still not always easy even with hindsight ...but we speak of perceptions

...and lettings go. 

 

Endings accepted

even as the pairing continues. 

Was it really Love?

once...

 

Did you count the moments apart

then - with baited breath

now - with smiles and sparkling thoughts.

How well we tie our selves

to anything we touch,

see,

smell,

sometimes even what we think

and how.

We tie and tie

all the whens and wheres

... with ribbons and bows

and even the very years
of breaths paused AND taken.

 

Even our tears

have a cost,

and we know ...we know

but

can't stop ourselves

because the feeling is all

we ever dreamed of touching

and if only for a second

just ...one ...second,

God it was awesome!

 

Ya know?

So many stars light our eyes 'til we're all aglow.  We almost can't see and yet we smile... breathe and continue as we must - because we can, because its what we do - continue.

Its hell being liked
for it doesn't matter that you

did or didn't

do anything at all -

were any way different for one instant

than the last moment you breathed...

Its so damn real

in ways you never believed

anything at all could be so

...so damnably ...real

because

things just aren't THAT way at all

ever

- at all

and then ...
they ARE that way

- after all.

You don't even know that you dream and yet its just always right there - just behind your eyes...

...and with every look
you're seen

with every breath

you're heard
and when you gaze so damnably far away

its all so much nearer than your next breath...
so much ...nearer

than the cold distant stars
that twinkle, twinkle
- little stars

how I wondered where you - ares

up above my world so bare

like little diamonds hard and uncaring

empty cold... tear drops

frozen in time and place

glistening in my life

my every where...
and ...I don't wish

can't

wish

can't dream

can't hope or breathe or be or

be worth being wanted

or touched

held

or even dare ...reach

but I do

want

breathe

wish - FEEL - SEE
LIVE!!

 

Damn, its hell being we...

Chris

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[dukovan]

im almost finished reading the screwtape letters, and the whole idea of manipulating the past and anticipating the future to compare to the present, comes to mind when screwtape talks about how we are constantly detatching ourselves from "now", and thats what the demons want. Sometimes its an allegory, though sometimes it feels very real and urgent to read. Either way 20 years here on earth I can completely agree...its hell being we.

[Claire Twinn]

This poem made me think some of the highs and lows I have experienced, good and bad it makes us who we are.

[Chris]

Hi Claire ...and you are sooooo right. We ARE what we survive and transcend. The full sum of every breath and exhale. I'm glad you paused.

[sharonlee]

Hope you don't mind...just had to pause with a friend.
xx

[Chris]

Glad you came by Shar...

[Heather]

pausing and smiling at these poems...yes, yes indeed

[Persephone]

LOVE this poem! So much truth in it - I overwhelmingly relate - you have captured the essence of life's struggle - and there is a bit of confusion in your words that reflects the confusion that is life itself - very well done - such a pure poem - outstanding!

[lee von cleef]

Dream, sleeping our minds cut free to catalog our days their way, like the strong soft pulse you produce, I agree it can be hell being a we,I lock on the P O W given 5 words to send home,he used only 3 " I am Alive"

[Chris]

Those were three very big words...

[Enid Blake]

I like the play on 'twinkle twinkle', changing the expectation.
I am seeing those twinkles as frozen teardrops in the sky as I go outside for a cigarette. Love this imagery.

[...]

I LOVE it...absolutely :)

[Eve]

How you manage to stuff all of our feelings in this little box is a miracle in itself...
thank you for being you and always having the coffee hot and strong enough to grow hairs on my chest :)

[Maan]

O MY GOD!! Isn't it what I'm looking for reading, right before going to bed. A wonderful experience of reading, as I started reading it, I literally got lost in each of the word expressing so much, more than what I can feel and believe and sense. I wanna read again, out loud this time. So that my ghosts can hear it and know what kept me away from them for long. Chris! You're awesome. :) Wonderful Writing. You've got another fan in the list. :) :)

[Patrick]

enjoyed the play on 'twinkle, twinkle'...so much so I was hoping you would carry on with it. There is much here to admire Chris...expressions of heart laid bare and noted.