"N(ever)E(ver)G(ive)U(p)..."

Never Ever Give Up... still echoes

I've been away, but not really -away.  I've silently wandered the posts.  Looking and looking, listening, feeling each heartbeat.  Dealing... dealing as each of us must, when we must - deal: with our shortcomings; with our own perceptions; with the passing of time; with hurts - our own and sadly, others; with life and how we AND others live - and sometimes don't.

Today I heard of NEGU... and a 12 year old whose passing didn't need me to add anything at all to her own proof of existence and personal recognition.  "Never EVER Give Up..." (NEGU).  The hands we are dealt by life are without rhyme or reason, and often seemingly disregard all sense of Karma.  And yet, sometimes even when we lose - we win; because, its how we PLAYED our existence!  How we faced - fear and dissolution, the unknown, the dark, the pure BAD - while we hoped, HOPED for better than we had.  We actually held hope within and sometimes we reached beyond our own tears - they weren't just for ourselves.

Bravery is KNOWING you're frail and hurting and still doing what you can - as best you can... because YOU can and it needs being done.  Bravery is fading away as you hold others' hands so they aren't so alone or afraid.  Bravery is a 12 year old speaking as a 12 year old hoping to be 13 - but doesn't make it.  Its being a new wife AND becoming a new mother and THEN facing eight months of seperation while her newly enlisted air force husband does basic and gets assigned schooling;  Its being together and packing and the morning you are ready to board the plane for North Carolina you find a lump when you shower.  Its C - returned from when you were 16.  Bravery is feeding your kids.  Its having enough hope within to even want to HAVE kids.  Hell, bravery is sharing when you haven't even got enough for one let alone two - or more.

"NEGU..."

Its January

but right NOW the SUN is outside my window.
Its cold, several inches of new snow
but its BRIGHT and white - clean and clear.
Its so quiet - I had the TV on but it wasn't "good" noise
now its just the creaks and crackles as everything chills down

- even me.

Walking without purpose is different -

you sort of amble - good word "amble".
In and out of rooms doing - nothing
going - nowhere

eventually you don't see, you just go
things move table to shelf to end table to somewhere else
...somewhere else - even people move to somewhere else.

How still can you be...
how far can you stare
...and where

I didn't notice what made the tracks
whether it was left-to-right
or  right-to-left
...they were just - there

dark, deep patterns across the white
of my mind... "Never Ever Give Up..."
echoed
inside
somehow - somewhere - somewhen,
and the little girl's voice had a smile...

How still can you be...
how far can you stare
when you aren't alone
inside...

Chris

Reviews

[J. J. Nightingale]

I know how it feels to NEVER be alone inside .. .. I live inside a dream, and inside a nightmare of my pain .. and their pain .. . and sometimes I can't find ME in or out .. . And I just want to go away .. I want to live, but not here and now .. Everything reminds of every-one, and I slip and fall into THEN and THEM .. And NOW floods in and breaks me to pieces .. And more and more of what I was, and wanted, dissolves into nothing .. .. And I can't recognize what I feel or touch, or see .. living through, and watching LOSS repeat it's self hurts, deeply in ourselves, and even more, in the one's we LOVE ..

"NEGU" ... What else .. .. Jasmine

[Emily B]

I can't read these words right not, but I know they are meant to touch that place that desperately needed words

much love

[Kenneth The Poet]

An inspirational piece that is truly off the wall, yet right on the mark.